Flu Haiku

Dreadful rising surge

Willing myself not to puke

Hour after hour, sick.

Unlikely Christmas Fav at Our House Triggers Memories of Unrequitted Love

If you stop by our house, you'll notice that our stereo is tuned to a local radio station devoted to Christmas music. All Christmas music, all the time. We did this last year, and as a result, we now know the second and third verses of lots of songs, as well as the subtle differences in lyrics of difference artists singing "'I'll Be Home for Christmas" (presents are on the tree, by the tree, and under the tree).

Last year we heard a new/old song. It starts out with the singer meeting his ex-lover in a grocery store as the snow is falling on Christmas Eve. Its a sort awkward meeting, because life has led them in different directions, and they seem to wonder: What if?

Radio stations started to play it because the song's author and singer, Dan Fogelberg, died last year. I am pretty sure I'd never heard this song before his death last year in December. I think it "counts" as a Christmas song to oldies, pop, and adult contemporary music stations, because its about a reminiscing that would have only occurred due to the mood the snowfall set on Christmas Eve.

Here are the lyrics, mostly because as I was researching this song online, I wondered exactly what they drank a toast to, and looked it up. Its a poetic song.

Met my old lover in a grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen
foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at
first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her
purse
And we laughed until we cried

Took her groceries to the checkout
stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
Stood there lost in our
embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or
two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor
store
And we drank it in her car

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast
to now
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness but
neither one knew how

She said she'd married her an
architect
Kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the
man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to
her
And that her eyes were still as
blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw doubt
or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record
store
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell

We drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast
to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness but
neither one knew how.
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast
to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another old lang syne

The beers were empty and our tongues were
tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back in
school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back
home
The snow turned into rain

(And now a great Sax Solo of Auld Lang Syne)

Such a song causes my mind to drift, and I start to wonder what it would be like for me to happen upon any of my ex-boyfriends in our local grocery store. Which ones would I want to greet? Which ones would I see, and then duck behind another aisle, hoping not to glimpse again?

I did marry myself an engineer, who does keep me warm and safe and dry, but I certainly didn't marry him for financial security. So, any meeting I would have with a former boyfriend wouldn't have the same wistful "I made a bad choice" overtone. And, none of my ex-boyfriends are famous recording stars.

I thought of possible conversations I might have with the former loves of my life. Most of them would be friendly conversations, and I would genuinely be interested in learning how their careers and finances are doing.

A few of them - ew. I think I'd still yell at them or the words "How dare you?!" would come up.

Which of them would I want to sit in a car with a 6 pack and have a lengthy conversation? Only a few of them, ones that I was best friends with when I was girlfriend with, too.

And here's a confession - there are a few that I would love to have a chance to sit and talk with, even if its randomly in the vegetable aisle or with a 6 pack in my car. I can think of about three of them, and they a few things in common. They were each good listeners, were excited about his future and possibilities to explore, were affectionate, and were dazzling people. I hate that its impossible for me to be good friends with them because of distance or time or relationships. I know I have a great husband who fits in to the same category of best friend these guys had in my life, and that since I am married to him, I really can't have best friends who were once bfs. That sounds like the start of a disastrous romantic comedy!

As poetic and interesting as that song is, I feel lucky that I don't have the same regrets as the two people in the song. I always find the song a little depressing - and I hope it ends differently. Perhaps the woman pledges her love for him, and apologizes for doubting his career. Perhaps the man decides to give up his musical career for some stability and patiently waits for her husband to be killed in an unfortunate bus accident. Or to divorce her. Then he can swoop in and they'll have a second shot at love.

How lucky we are who took our first shot at love and don't have any regrets!

Twelve Ideas to Help People with Eating Disorders Negotiate the Holidays

I found this helpful article at www.myNeda.org.

I find family gatherings that have food as the centerpiece of the event particularly stressful. What food will be there? Will I like it? Can I eat it? What if I eat too much? What if I get so hungry from skipping meals that it means I am going to binge? Is it a binge if I am really hungry?

Ah! Lots of food related stress. I have had two Thanksgivings free from purging in the last thirteen years, and I am going to count this one as another ED free Thanksgiving. To do that, I am giving myself permission to "excuse" myself without making lots excuses. I am giving myself permission to distract, to quit an unhealthy conversation or activity, and to take time out.

I am so excited for the possibility of a future Thanksgiving that will be easy and stress-free! I am thankful for this hope. I am thankful for the treatment I've gotten that can give me this perspective.


My favorite tip is this one:

Work on being flexible in your thoughts. Learn to be flexible in
guidelines for yourself,
and in expectations of yourself and others. Strive
to be flexible in what you can eat
during the holidays. Take a holiday from
self imposed criticism, rigidity, and
perfectionism.

Stress sits on the top of my stomach

It is unbearable, choking.

I want to just throw up again and again and again, hoping to flush those bad feelings down the toilet. Just get rid of them so I will be able to feel okay with myself.

An eating disorder provides coping skills to deal with difficult situations. Its not about food. When terribly uncomfortable things happen, its my natural inclination to cope by throwing up.

Its difficult to reach out, to take several calming breaths, or to just sit with the emotion. Distractions like drinking very cold water or holding ice cubes help. But they don't sate me.

I think of the friend to call, but always find an excuse. My husband or family members don't really understand and can't help. They are usually the cause of my guilt and anxiety. Its very difficult to pray or think of helpful mantras like "Not helpful" or "I can resist" because my brain can't calm to rationality.

It sucks recovering. I know I'll feel so much better if I just do it. But I don't think I'd be able to stop again if started.

Stress sucks.

Weirdo Eco Milk Jug

Probably you've noticed this - the price of milk as increased. I started to shop around for the best deal, and found it at Sams Club. The price for our Skim Milk is around $2.40, and is considerably less expensive than our local Central Dairy.

However, it comes with a design change... the milk jug is now shaped like a large bottle of cooking oil. Its squared off, and has a strange handle.

I am naturally curious. I have a friend who is in design school, and so I wondered exactly WHY this was the new design. I decided to use Google, my all-knowing, user-friendly search engine. Here's what I found out.

This is an eco-friendly design. The jugs are much easier to ship this way, which cuts down on fuel costs. I have to wonder - am I doing the best thing? What about buying organic? Certainly, this is not organic. What about buying local? That would also reduce shipping costs. The Sam's Club milk is from Illinois, while we have a dairy within a half hour of our town. The package claims not to use steroids or antibiotics on the cows, so I guess that is good.

Here's a detailed clip I found while researching this.

RE: Blogger Request

Dear Fine Folks at Blogger,

I'd like to request some new backgrounds and layout for Blogspot. I'm done with using third-party sites to dress up this blog.

Gmail just got some really lovely new themes. I especially like the Cherry Blossom and Ninja. Maybe since you all work for Google, you could share some ideas? Minima Stretch just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Thanks,
Avid Blogger

Commercialism Confession

Here goes: I buy something almost everyday. I can't keep myself from selecting a new shampoo or chapstick when I go into the pharmacy to pick up a refill. I only buy gas at places that have "good fountain soda" or pepitas (my new fav. snack). On weekends when I am home alone, I peruse Target or etsy.com. Grocery stores also satiate my compulsion - just getting a new spice, cereal, or even vegetable. Don't get me started on Sam's Club. I go in for dryer sheets and come out with a seasonal seafood (its oyster season now!) or pack of cozy socks. I bribe myself for getting up early with the promise of Starbucks. I am a sucker for kids' fundraisers. I feel strange NOT buying something when I go out.

Maybe I need an economic depression to curb my "acquiring" habit. Dave Ramsey's plan still hasn't fully kicked in for me, though we've been loosely following it for 2 years. I have a hard time depriving myself or doing without.

In August, I participated in CruncyChicken's "Buy Nothing Challenge". It was so difficult!! I was pretty "good" during that month, with minimal restaurants, trips to the store, or even QT sodas. But on the last day of the month, my friend Amy's mom took me to Walgreens and I had a "binge". Totally. I bought 50 dollars of things so quickly.

Now that its Christmastime (according to retailers), nearly every store has a lure for me. Oooh, so'n'so would love that. Or, I love those Christmas teas. I'll buy two...

So, I will challenge myself to buy LESS now. I already am aware of the packaging of products I buy and try to by local or with recyclable packaging, but I know there is mass consumption going on in my part. Its my conscious effort to NOT do this.

One might say I've already blown it. This morning I shopped from the comfort of my computer rolly chair. I bought more from Pleat and my husband some new thermals and jeans. I've made a plan today to buy New Moon, as well as a few ingredients for Mushroom Barley Soup.

I say I haven't blown it. I could have bought lots more this morning, and I could make plans to go to the mall or Panera. I think I'll pass on those. Cap my spending.

*** Revision *** I definately shopped Landsend.com today, an hour after posting this. I got some goodies: Bra, Trousers, purple pants, and another pair of my favorite shoes from last winter, newly clearanced. Coupon code I used: COMET, PIN 7145 (free shipping through 11/25).

Twilght's got me dazzled

Let's just first say this: I am a huge proponent of reading. I think that all children and adults should be in the middle of a good read. Yes, reading for content and reading for pleasure and reading for information and reading for practice. We should all be practicing reading!

I've read two series of books lately that appeal to non-traditional readers. The first was Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I am crazy about those books! So fun to read and so, so much silly fun. The second is Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. Its definitely for adolescents and young adults. I didn't' love it at first. I judged a book by its cover (and its almost cult like 15 year old girl following). I bought it at Walmart last night on a whim, when I was also purchasing Fish Oil (topic of a future post?) I curled up into my perfect cozy chair with a blanket and continued to read. I read all night, save for 1.5 hours of DWTS. I read well into the night, well past the time teachers are supposed to go to bed. Its worth it!

Two reasons why I am surprised I love these books:

1. I usually don't prefer books that read like TV Shows or movies, which is why I don't prefer Nicholas Sparks or Grisham. I like books with subtext, with heavy plot development, and excessively long and well written sentences (think: F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Wharton, Austin). This book is written in a modern, teen lit flow. Very readable, perfect for non-readers.

Perfect for page turning!

2.I also don't like vampires. I've had a fear of vampires ever since I did a long report on Vlad the Impaler, this creepy ruler who was rumored to be a vampire. I could never get more than 25 pages into Anne Rice's novels without having nightmares.

On a different note : goodbye Julianne and Cody! I really like watching those two crazy kids dance. Especially Miss Julianne! DWTS this week was a little disappointing. Lance and Lacy were incredible! Brooke and Warren, with whom I am growing tired of, weren't all that incredible. There were lots of spangles, an entire pants suit made of fringe, and this great outfit:

And it was goodbye to Cody. Though I never saw him on Disney, he was a fun actor to watch on this show! I even thought his antics were cute and his crying on the show tolerable. I guess the voting fans didn't. That's right, I haven't voted yes this season. I don't feel strongly enough. There's no Kristi, Mario, or Cheetah Girl.

Trendy Teen Read I Fell For

I'm reading it.

I ignored the fad for two years.

I felt irresistibly drawn to this series because I firmly believe the book is better than the movie, and since I want to see the movie, I want to read the books.

How could the actor who plays Edward possibly be as attractive as Stephanie M. alludes?

Exciting Announcement!

My friend Elegan has been accepted to present at the National Science Teachers Association's 2009 national convention. She's asked me to co-present!

The event is held each year as a forum for science teachers to share resources, gain information from the private sector, and increase knowledge base about current topics. I attended two years ago when it was in St. Louis and the focus was on climate change. I got loads of free goodies.

We'll be presenting on notebooking in the high school science classroom. Its a technique we both used when we taught at West Jr, and that we carried into our high school classrooms. The embedded links tell you more about my philosophy of learning science, as well as on implementing this strategy in the classroom.

Meal Plan Monday

I started trying to do Meal Plan Monday about a month ago. It took a few weeks, but I finally got it! In fact, it went pretty well last week!



Here was the menu:

Monday - Black Bean Chili, Broccoli Cheese Soup, Skillet Toast Beer Bread Both the Chili and Soup were leftovers - the Chili frozen from 2 weeks ago, the Soup from Saturday

Tuesday - Apple Pork Chops with Stuffing and Caesar Salad New recipe I'd been eyeing from Kraft Magazine... Here's the link

Wednesday - Marinated Baked Salmon and Caesar Salad with Beer Bread, Pumpkin Pie

Thursday - Ham, Swiss Quiche and Pumpkin PiePrepared on Wednesday, so I could multi-task and use the oven for multiple dishes

Friday - Pretzel from Sam's for me, Sam's Pizza Slice for him (which was only an appetizer... he left for the weekend and ate a second dinner at his mom's!)

Saturday - Salad at friend's house, and a midnight snack of Panera Broccoli Cheddar Soup

Sunday - Crock Pot Pulled Pork, Caesar Salad

So, it went pretty well last week. I am strategizing ways to improve logistics of dinner time, cut down on multiple trips to the supermarket through the week, and reduce the amount of stress associated with the phrase, "What's for dinner?".


I started planning for this week tonight. It helps me to write it down and then post it on the fridge. Here's the tentative meal plan:

Monday - Left over pulled pork sandwiches
Tuesday - Lasagna Rolls Ups (prepared 2 weeks ago when I made a traditional lasagna, then frozen)
Wednesday - Chicken Soft Tacos with homemade salsa
Thursday - Spaghetti and Meatballs (easiest recipe of the week - noodles, frozen homemade marinara or Ragu 6 Cheese Sauce, frozen meatballs from Sam's Club, mozzarella cheese)
Friday - TBA - probably HyVee Chinese take out or Buffalo Wild Wings

Another blog friend, Britt, recently posted a family favorite recipe, and a blog I often read but rarely live up to has a Meal Plan Monday forum. I haven't used the MPM site as a resource as much as I could, more of a launching point.

What's for dinner this week at chez vous?

1 Minute Writer

I started reading a 1 Minute Writer blog recently as a way to improve my writing fluency. I used a similar technique in my middle level and elementary language arts courses, and it is something I'd like to do when teaching literacy. (Hopefully, in a coming school year!). I would plan to have students keep their own blog, occasionally writing to a specific prompt, but otherwise keeping it as a living, realistic document. Ideally, there would be access to a class set of computers daily.

Here's my one minute writing prompt for today:
Today's Writing Prompt: Habit
What bad habit would you like to change?


I have been trying to change my habit of biting my nails and my cuticles. I understand its a nervous habit. I have done it for as long as I can remember. This summer I bought some "nasty taste" polish. The negative reinforcement helps to some degree. Right now my nail status is: Two jaggy edges, one short nail, and the rest are growing in!

"Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch."
-E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

This quote from one of my favorite stories is a perfect way to feel about something exciting happening. Like surprises you hope to find in your Christmas stocking. Like a husband who is away and will return after two sleeps.

What are you anxiously awaiting?

Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!

One last post for today...

This is the funnest thing I saw all week. I really like when they dance on the piano!!4

The Turkey Dinner That Was... or: At Least I Didn't Thaw the Turkey

I am bummed. I just learned that an culinary adventure I'd been planning for weeks has been called off. In mid- November, I offered to plan, produce, and pay for Haid Thanksgiving 2008. My MIL had to work that day and my GMIL (grandmother in law... I just made up that abbreviation) wasn't going to prepare a feast since many of her usual guests would be elsewhere.

Since then, I've been spying sweet potato recipes, looking for sales on canned pumpkin, and thinking about how to decorate a centerpiece. I really like being in charge of a major event such as this, and I think it has something to do with enjoying being a host and having control of the menu.

As you can tell by the opening line, my amazing dinner has been cancelled. GMIL will fix it after all. The family will arrive at her house for supper, and I don't have to bring a thing. I will, however, because their family's taste buds different from my own palette, and I enjoy good Douglas recipes like Oyster Stuffing, Homemade Apple Sauce, and Sweet Potato, as well as Grandma Cooley's Sagey Stuffing which has so much sage it is the color of moss.

I really want to start our own traditions - not just schlep over Mid-Mo in our car. I suggested having my family's Christmas or Haid family Christmas at our house, in Columbia, which was not readily or enthusiastically accepted.

:o(

Closet Intentions

I intend to sort through my closet this weekend using this criteria:

1. Do I use this?
2. How long has it been since I’ve used it?
3. Will I use it again?
4. Is it worth the space it takes up in my house?
5. Does it make me happy?

Cleaning a wardrobe is a tough job. I am emotionally attached to some shoes, have pleasant memories of a purse, or like the price I paid for the item. However, my t-shirt collection is a little extreme, as is my too short sweater collection (did they shrink in the wash? Is my torso getting longer?).

So, I promise myself I will get something I enjoy AFTER I accomplish this feat. I am thinking a trip to Barnes and Nobel for "Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2" or calamari from Macaroni Grill.

Bad Choices

Today 2 of my students did drugs while in school. And while they were in my class. Well, they had been excused to the restroom, but were otherwise in my charge.

I can be comforted a little knowing that they took depressants, not stimulants. But... it doesn't help much! Perhaps if I had been a bit more engaging they'd have reconsidered this choice? Or perhaps I could have curtailed their behavior by forbidding 2 students to be gone at once?

I suppose it was their bad decision, not mine, and at the end of the day I have very little control over the choices students make.

I can be a good role model, prepare students with factual information about consequences of negative behavior, and pray for them. It sure would be easier if someone with a background of poor choices in high school led an assembly.

Of course, high school druggies have a tendency to be mid twenties druggies, too.

Hmm.

Conversation with Sister

Her: So, do you want mom to bring you my pretty, silver Nicole Miller Bag? You said you liked it.

Me: Um... actually I haven't carried a purse in awhile.

Her: What?

Me: Well, as in... I am out shopping now and my wallet, phone, and keys are in a reusable shopping bag.

Her: You are such a hippie.

Me: Me? What do you mean?

Her: The sister I know wears heels and carries a nice purse, helloooo! You are such a hippie.


Me: ....


So, yeah, that was a real conversation I had this weekend with my youngest sis. She also referenced me buying healthy Halloween "candy'" and using re-usable period products.

So is that my new identity? I have started to wear flats almost exclusively, but they were silver foil today and hot pink yesterday. Tomorrow's will have large jewels. But alas, quite flat. My makeup routine is getting pretty quick and bland, too. And I started to wear glasses this week. My justification is that I don't want to look hott... teachers aren't hott.

And I do want to be environmentally responsible. Can I do that in heels with a matching bag? I guess so. And she's right... the sister she knows pays close attention to her sparkly eye makeup and loves 2.5 inch heels.

Hmm...

Confession: Don't Veterans Have Wrinkles?

The title of my post is a misconception I held... until my drive to work just this morning.

I have felt a little uncomfortable about people my age or younger being called veterans. For some reason, it just felt wrong to compare them with grandfathers and great-grandfathers who fought in European wars or in the South Pacific. These guys/girls are just like me - the same age, with the same background experiences, and the same ability to choose their destiny and their life vocation.

I first experienced this discomfort about "young vets" when my former school celebrated veterans who were on staff and in the local community. Some of the people they recognized were unprofessional as a rule, and they often talked about getting drunk in Japan with buddies or made light of their duties at sea (answered phones, refilled gas tanks). It felt phony to recognize these people for service because they were not incredible citizens. I felt shocked - almost unpatriotic - that I didn't respect these guys because their demeanor was so irresponsible and their behavior disrespectful.

I reflected on those acquaintances and then my recollection of the what I thought a Veteran should be - grandfatherly, wearing a decorated cap, quiet about war stories. Not some chump drinking Mountain Dew and playing computer games! For some reason, I stopped myself and rethought my ideas. At one time, those old guys who walk with canes and act so respectfully were young guys - drinking the equivalent of our casual sugary beverage and playing silly games - making slightly irresponsible choices due to their age and a certain joie de vivre... and now these guys are old guys. Wrinkles = automatic respect, in my opinion.

My sister was a "war wife". She spent several months apart from her husband as he served overseas. She has spent many weekends serving his branch, helping in offices, and doing things that need to be done for the sake of the soldiers. Maybe because I konw her well I have had a hard time picturing her as one of those 1940s wives, patiently waiting for a letter from another continent, rationing sugar and flour, and patriotically not complaining about adjusting her life. When he was gone earlier this year, I didn't even consider her sacrifice, because again, I thought "She chose her husband, he chose his job. Both knew about their responsiblities and possibilities of service".

Bad attitude!! Comparing these two distinctly different groups of service people is inappropriate. Post-draft service people still should be treated with respect, just as I hope I am treated with respect when Teacher's Appreciation Day rolls around or parent-teacher conferences prevent me from arriving home in a timely manner. I volunteer to help at my school, totally my choice, and I believe the work I do is valuable even if it is volunteer.

So how did I develop such a bad attitude?

I guess its just misconceptions, the time I spent at a liberal university, and the only a slight impact made on my daily life due to military service. It is a lack of knowledge and lack of empathy I have. It is a few bad examples who soured the entire generation of veterans. (Why did I focus on them? Their fellow troops probably thought they were a-holes, too!)


So, on my way to work I decided to just give up my reticence towards calling people my age "veterans". Its about my misperceptions, steretypes, and ignorance. I am going to challenge myself to see things from an alternate perspective, especially as I teach young men and women who will (should, IMHO, but that's another story) enlist.

Considering Dual Employment

As teacher preparation becomes more manageable and the holiday season approaches, I am considering temporary dual employment. Only part time, only 10-15 hours each week. I worked when I was a high school student and a college student and a grad student, so it makes sense for me to have 2 places of employment.

My top considerations are:
1) Starbucks near my house
2) Barnes & Noble at the mall
3) Bass Pro near my house

I am thinking a general customer service... general sales, cashier, making people happy. I'd be happy to be surrounded by the pleasantries (and pastries) at SBux, the smell of and adventure of discovery of new books at B&N, and the sweater folding and extremely close locale of BP (and favor a discount could win with my husband).

I have a few reasons why I might not do this just this year...
1) Would not have Friday nights as date night / recoup from week night
2) Less weekend trips to visit fam and friends
3) Less "me" time - something I am just discovering I am safe with.

Anyone got good ideas for second jobs I haven't thought of? My areas of expertise are:
1)education
2)science lesson design
3)children's literature
4)Missouri wine
5) MU
6)recycling
7) Internet research
8) grammar rehab/editorial skills

Anonymity

Sometimes I don't publish Anonymous comments on this blog. So the person can live in anonymity even longer.

Villianous females

A friend recently posted about a terrible female villain - The Malicious Meanie. This girl's prerogative is to be divisive, condescending, and anti-my friend.

That got me thinking about other sorts of Mean Girls - ones that go the extra mile to be nasty.

The One Upper - she always has a better story, pricier purse, a better engagement ring. She can commonly be heard uttering the words "That's great, but listen to what just happened to me..."

The Ex-Girlfriend Lurker - she can be found stalking your current beau via email, facebook, friends of family. She is untrustworthy and a menace to Happy Ever After.

The Drama Queen - You'll know her by the volume and pitch of her voice. Self-created and self-promoted misfortunes, dilemmas, and mishaps plow five steps ahead of her - so if you miss her crocodile tears and fake BBF letters, you'll notice her by wails and demands.

The Behind Your Back Talker - her passive aggressive nature seems innocent enough at first - until you are blindsided by a rumor. Watch out! She maybe be nice as pie, but her pie is poison!

The Thunder Stealer -she knows your good news before you do and announces it to the world. She is often masquerading as a One Upper - who might top your best story seconds before you tell it. Watch out for this self-esteem plummet er.

Negative Nancy - a crafty chick who also goes by Debbie Downer in some circles. No matter the occasion, she is ready with an instant woe-is-me comment or a gloomy outlook for your future plans.

When I came up with this list, I was not thinking of anyone in specific. I daresay I wear a few of those villainous masks at times. As a challenge for myself, I will censor myself when I am with other women if it seems I might be in a bad mood and be less than supportive of her. I am also reminded of several phone calls I've made with girlfriends and sincerely hope I am being a heroine, rather than a villain to them.

Cozy Saturday Morning...

Spent doing very cozy things.

Such as laundering flannel sheets, roasting butternut squash and broccoli for two very cozy soups for the chilly week,baking oatmeal cookies (see recipe below), chatting on the phone with my mom, sipping hot cocoa, and online shopping for a new coat. I am considering this coat.

Its almost as if I am doing these cozy things to compensate for lack of husband... who gives the best, coziest hugs. He'll be home from a short Hermann trip later today, and will no doubt chow down on the cookies and give me one of the aforementioned hugs.

Oatmeal Cookies
3/4 stick Butter Flavor Crisco
1 1/4 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
3 cups quick oats, uncooked
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 chocolate chunks (or raisins)

1. Heat oven to 375°F.
Grease baking sheets with Crisco.
2. Combine Crisco, light brown sugar, egg, milk, and vanilla in large bowl. Beat at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended.
3. Combine oats, flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Mix into creamed mixture at low speed just until blended. Stir in raisins or chocolate.
4. Drop rounded tablespoons of dough 2 inches apart onto baking sheet
5. Bake one baking sheet at a time at 375°F for 10 to 12 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet, then put on cooling rack.
Makes about 2 1/2 Dozen Cookies.

Best Cold Remedy!!

Olbas Oil. Never heard of it? Me either, until I saw it on a former advisor's blog. She raved about it and its miraculous cures for her son. I was in such misery with clogged ears and runny nose that I bought it from Clover's Natural Market on Wednesday night. Five minutes after using it - smelling it, really - all clear!!

I put some on the inside of my turtleneck neck, and it was helpful! I also put some drops on my pillow and woke up fresh and not congested! I sound like an infomercial, I know - I haven't felt this way about a product since Mr. Clean's Magic Erasers!

Another thing - all natural. It is made of essential oils like peppermint... and it isn't nasty smelling.

You've got to try it. I found it on Amazon and Drugstore.com.

My favorite DTWS dance....

In case you missed this DWTS Team Paso Doble dance... here it is in its entire glory.

If you did see it, you probably want to see it again! I love the paso doble because of its passion, precision, and drama. This is a fun dance!

Recent happenings...

Since I last wrote about what has been going on in my life, I've done a few interesting things:

1. A 5K walk with a friend and her daughter to raise money and awareness for Refugee abnd Immigration Services

2. Begun tutoring a very bright student who frequently gets into fights at 2 am, sleeps in school, and is failing my class

3. Climbed up Capen Park Hill off of Rock Quarry Rd, which was lovely this fall season. It was a little like mountain climbing - at least as much as I have ever done!

4. Waited in a voting line as long as an amusement park ride - which was exciting and reminded me of a student council popularity contest.

5. Ate my first nuts EVER - in a Starbuck's Fruit and Nut bar - which is made with almonds, walnuts, pepitas, cherries, and mangoes - probably my new perfect food!

6. Did some kitchen creation in the lines of roasted broccoli, Spinach and Pancetta Lasagna, Green Been Casserole, Homemade Pizza, Pumpkin Bread, Carrot Cake, and French Bread Pizza.

7. Met one of my fav. student's mothers who was also a JC for Council F at MASC camp - but fifteen years before me!

8. Discovered I like two foods that I thought I hated: Crunch Tacos from Taco Bell and Swedish Fish. Both aren't half bad!

9. Watched the new Indiana Jones movie and thought "Seriously?! Why are their aliens in this movie?"

10. Loved me some Dancing with the Stars! Get well soon, Julianne!

What have you been up to?

Let's be rainbow thinkers...

I have thought about this concept a lot, both in my recovery from an ED, professional life as I interact with students, and personally as I grow in a relationship with my husband.

Here is a re-print from a great resource with a super cheesy name - "Don't Diet - Live-it!".

Black-and-White vs. Rainbow Thinking

Reprinted from Don't Diet, Live-it

!By Andrea LoBue, LMFCC and Marsea Marcus, LMFCC©1999 Gürze Books

"I can't eat this cookie! I won't eat this cookie! Oh well, maybe just one. . . Now I blew it! I may as well eating them all and start my diet again tomorrow."

Is this a familiar scenario? Many people who suffer with food and weight problems also struggle with Black-and-White Thinking. This means seeing ourselves as either on or off our diet, good or bad, perfect or a failure. Black-and-White thinkers swing back and forth between two extremes. We have trouble even imagining that there could be options, compromise, or a middle ground.

We learn Black-and-White Thinking from many sources, such as our family, the dieting industry, and society. Your parents may have told you that you were "wonderful" one day, then labeled you as "bad" the next, rather than pointing out your specific strengths or weaknesses. You may have observed your mom eating excessive amounts of food one day, and starving herself the next. The dieting industry tries to convince us that eating one piece of candy will make us fat, and we get messages from our culture that if we are fat we are bad. We're left with a simplistic kind of reasoning. Good or bad. All or nothing. Always or never. Black or white. In reality, one piece of anything doesn't make anybody fat. And fat doesn't mean bad. (It may mean sad, hurt, mad, or it may be your natural body weight, but it doesn't mean bad.)

Although the motive in attempting to be at the so-called "good" extreme is to avoid the other "bad" extreme, struggling to be perfectly "good" sets us up to fail and become "bad." Depriving oneself of food eventually causes one to overeat. Excessive exercising causes burnout or injury and often leads to the inability to exercise at all. Pretending to be happy all the time and avoiding other feelings eventually leads to depression (which is often the result of pressing down your feelings). Needing to see ourselves as perfect only causes a constant feeling of inadequacy.

The most common result of perfectionism is low self-esteem. Being perfect is an impossible goal. If you objective is to be perfect - perfect eater, perfect body, perfect feelings, perfect girlfriend, perfect wife, mother, student, child - and perfection is impossible, then you have a recipe for failure.
In the early stages of healing food, weight and body issues, our Black-and-White Thinking causes difficulty because we tend to see ourselves as being either perfect or complete failures. We forget that recovery is an ongoing, ever-changing, sometimes painstakingly slow process. If we eat something we consider less than perfect, we are quick to tell ourselves, "See, this isn't working. I'll never recover." However, we guarantee that nobody (an that means nobody-okay, so we're being black-and-white!) gets into recovery and suddenly becomes a "perfect eater (or a "perfect person").
In fact, recovery is about letting go of the need to be perfect. It's also about letting go of the idea that you're a failure. It may be hard to believe, but there is a vast array of options that we call Rainbow Thinking. Rainbow thinking is the alternative to Black-and-White Thinking. It means having numerous options instead of only two. It means seeing all the colors of the rainbow instead of only black and white. It means having access to all our feelings. It strengths. It means believing that good enough is good enough!

Let's take a look at how Rainbow Thinking gives us more choices than Black-and-White Thinking. We used to think bread was a "bad" food and salad was a "good" food, and so we would attempt to eat a lot of salad and no bread (particularly in public!) Let's say this was the "black" in Black-and-White Thinking. And the "white" side of the equation? Having felt so deprived, we would eventually find ourselves downing a whole loaf of bread (particularly when alone). Then, feeling stuffed and ashamed, we vowed never to eat bread again (back to "black"). Until one day, one week, one month later, guess what happened? And so the cycle continued. It never occurred to us that we could have one sandwich, that we deserved to have one sandwich, that one sandwich would not make us fat. Being willing to have a sandwich instead of no bread, or a whole loaf of bread, is an example of Rainbow Thinking.

Today we see Rainbow Thinking in many areas of our lives: taking a walk instead of either high-impact aerobics, or sitting on the couch; getting a few errands done instead of either compulsively doing them all, or eating instead of doing any; assertively communicating our anger to a friend instead of either raging, or saying nothing.

Just like anything new, Rainbow Thinking may be uncomfortable at first. However, after spending some time in the middle of the road getting used to being perfectly imperfect, the journey becomes much easier and more enjoyable.

Reprinted from Don't Diet, Live-it!by By Andrea LoBue, LMFCC and Marsea Marcus, LMFCCTo find out more about this helpful book click here.
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