I HATE buying baby wipes.

They are so expensive.  The cheapies aren't effective (though the Target generic brand is pretty good), and they just GET THROWN AWAY.

I also hate that when they end up in the diaper wash and get stuck in the velcro tabs of DHH's Bum Genuis diapers.

I hate that I use at least four on a nasty diaper and another two per meal for wiping hands.  It is SO un eco-cool of me!  I launder cloth diapers, cloth pads, and cloth towels... I should do this, too.


So I am vowing to never buy them again.  Instead, I will use the cloth wipes we already bought (and use as wash  rags) or the ones my mom made from the gazillion flannel receiving blankets we were gifted.

I bought two types of baby wipe solution to try, and I hope that they prove to be WONDERFUL.  I saw several recipes for wipe solution, and I have used California Baby Diaper Wash in the past, but I think this will be a system I really like.

I am excited to see that $15 or more back in my shopping budget that had been previously blown on Huggies Green Tea and Cucumber wipes!  Do you think I will notice? (And do you think I will feel thrifty enough with the savings to just splurge on more peppermint mochas?).

Pregnancy Confession: Caffienation.

Pregnancy changes my taste buds.  Luckily for my overall health, I start to lose my sweet tooth and my appetite for junk food.  I used to drink Pepsi as my morning stimulant, even when nursing, since I don't love coffee.

My guilty pleasure has been the peppermint mocha from Starbucks.  Today, sized VENTI.  I bet I am buzzed all night.  I might get lots of Christmas decorating done and might even find energy to scour my bathroom into cleanliness.

One espresso based drink per week probably would be okay with the March of Dimes.

Note: I was around a smoking, late term pregnant woman this weekend.  I noted there was a cooler of beer in her car.  This paltry chocolate drink is a joke compared to those pregnancy decisions! And no...  I did not confront the pregnant mom.  I wanted to.  But my hands were full with my toddler and I didn't feel prepared for a confrontation.  Any tips on what I could have said?  My conscious is not clear on this matter, but it might have been if I had spoken up.  But what to say???

What a Cuddly Baby.

My son has been SO cuddly lately.  He has always enjoyed snuggle time, ever since he was a nursling.  THe fall wardrobe of fleece and footie pajamas seems to make him even more huggable!  We have a lot of lap reading time per day, which increases our snuggle time.  Lately he has been cuddling with stuffed animals and reading to them. These are the sorts of moments that make my heart turn from my regular heart into a melted mom heart.

Learning Patience

God has been teaching me a lot of patience lately.  I have several cases in point that I will share with you.

First, look at the photos I've included in this post.  Having a sixteen month old son is giving me many opportunities to learn and practice the skill of patience.  There are so many times I could do a task myself (and in record time!) but instead I choose to include him.  In these photographs, I included him in the art of making an apple crisp.  He first helped me wash the apples.  Oh goodness, how he loved giving them a bath!  He splashed them, washed them, and patted them dry.  Later, he helped me slice the apples using an apple corer.  He also helped me to mix the dry ingredients to form the topping.  Including my son took so much longer than it would have if I had plopped him in front of a Sesame Street and done it all by myself.  Alas, I would not be doing a fair job of parenting if I had chosen that route.  I wouldn't have been given a chance to exercise patience, and my son would not have a chance to work on procedural skills or the responsibilities of helping in the kitchen.

The next lesson is a lesson in patience that comes from not having the technology we are accustomed to.  When I turned on our laptop I was greeted with the message "CANNOT FIND OPERATING SYSTEM".  Great.

The computer repair store needed four to seven days to just take a LOOK at our computer and do a diagnostic report.  Ah!  Such a long time!  I had to use a lot of patience to deal with this set back.

Its been difficult having blogging with drawls, but furthermore its been a challenge not to have instant answers to my general queries.  I asked Google so many questions.  Now I must be patient and resourceful until we get another computer or get ours fixed.

Yet another lesson has come with the breaking of my phone.  I love my RAZR phone.  It is the perfect phone for me. I am disappointed that Motorola discontinued it, but I have until April to decide how I want to replace it.  My last four phones have been RAZRs. 

My current phone is one of those inexpensive Go Phones from Walmart.  Sheesh.  I have to be so patient with this phone because the texting capabilities are pitiful.  The buttons and screen take a long time to react to my touch.  Yet another lesson in patience.

Our washing machine broke, too. (Yes, these things always happen in threes!).  It broke on a Monday afternoon, which meant we had a washing machine-free life until Wednesday afternoon.   We spent Wednesday evening and five hours on Thursday morning doing laundry.  We had several loads from our own daily use for three days, but the top priority loads were the five day old cloth diaper laundry (stinky!) and the four loads of towels that were busy mildewing in the tub after being used to sop up the water that leaked from the washing machine. 

Another reason why this experience was a crash course in patience is because my son LOVES to watch the washing machine.  He is most interested in the agitation cycle, but also is enthusiastic about the water fills the basin cycle and the spin cycle.  He begged us to show him the washing machine at least a dozen times during the Laundry Extravaganza we had on Thursday morning.  Though he was fascinated, we certainly weren't.  Patience.

For my last example, I will use my favorite reality TV show, Dancing with the Stars.  I must wait three to five more months before I can enjoy my weekly dose of minor celebrity drama, sparkles, spray tans, and cha-cha-chas.  This might prove to be the most difficult hardship to endure! 

Christmas Card Time!

I love mailing Christmas cards.  I love buying Christmas cards and perusing all of the messages.  I prefer to address each envelope by hand, as well as include a thoughtful and personal note to family or friends. 

I love to receive cards, too.

 As a younger girl, I actually addressed and mailed them for my parents.  They have less of an affection for sending cards than I do, so I didn't mind.

Traditionally, I've sent out photo-free cards that had more of a religious sentiment or nostalgic feeling.  But since we got such a cute little stinker on July 27, 2009, I feel like we have moved on to photo cards.  Last year, I several photo cards AND a traditional card.  This year, I think I will simply send ONE card.

I heard about a Shutterfuly promotion - get 50 free photo cards as a reward for blogging about Shutterfly - and I was hooked.  Unfortunately, our computer died and I was out of bloggy land for a week.  I wasn't able to select my card OR write a promotional post for Shutterfly.  Major bummer.

Shutterfly photos are by far the superior online photo company.  Their cards and stationary are DELUXE.  I have been lucky enough to receive Christmas cards from others that were Shutterfly, and let me tell you, they are worth the small extra charge as compared to a few other online sources.



Isn't this one sweet?



I actually enjoyed searching for the photo card I will select for the promotion.  I typically choose a card that conveys my personal belief for why we celebrate Christmas - that Jesus Christ was born so that all humans may find Salvation - rather than cheesy, Christmas carol-y type cards. 

Note: I do love the cheesy, Christmas carol-y ones.  Like this. And this. And this.

This would be a great one to use with DHH's red convertible photo from Sears!

YOU can shop for your Shutterfly Christmas Photo Cards using THIS link.  Just click on the highlighted words and you'll be send to a virtual shop of Christmas sparkle. 

Or perhaps you are without an adorable little elf or family of elves to photograph, and thus you prefer to send a non-photo card.  Until last year, that was me!  The inside of the card leaves so much room for a detailed holiday letter, which is so great. I am so impressed by the quality of Shutterfly stationary.  I purchased a monogrammed note card set for my sister, which is in the same stationary line, and I was delighted by the weight of the paper.  These Christmas cards are the same!  And they are so beautiful.  Here is the link for that option!

Wouldn't this be fun to personalize?

Perhaps you prefer to send Happy New Year cards?  I have a friend who does, and I bet she'd love looking at these holiday cards at THIS link.  

Husby's Trip in Photos

During the first week of November, my husband attended a really boring work related conference in Iowa.  He learned a lot about some particular surveying equipment, but also found time for some interesting diversions.

He went to The Field of Dreams, some Very Old and Very Tall Tower, and the Antiques shop featured on American Pickers.

I found the photos on a memory card today and wanted to share them with others.  He saw some neat things!

Here are photos from his trip!

 They built it, and he came.

I think he probably ran the bases.  That is what i picture, anyway.

 I wonder what is inside this tower.   If imagine Rapunzel, but I don't think that thought crossed his mind.  He was probably interested in the architecture or structural engineering.

I think this was his hotel.  

He grew up on a farm on the MO River.  Maybe that is why he took photos of this river.  I think its the Mississppi River, so I could be wrong.  Maybe the people were really cute or being funny and that is why he took the photo.

He bought a few things, but they weren't really interested in negotiating. I  guess all the haggling is only for buying, not selling. 

Tough Choice.

Last night I made a tough choice. I decided NOT to drive to Mississippi today to see my dear friend.

It was a tough choice because I know I would enjoy spending time with her sweet mother and friendly husband. I would also enjoy her company, even if it is a little pitiful since she is confined to flat-on-her-back bed rest.

But I have been  sick every day of November.  Yes, morning sickness, but also shigella, a chest cold, a minor flu or respiratory illness, and allergies.  I think my couch has a permanent side lying body print mark from me.  I spent at least ten nights this month sleeping in a semi- upright position in order to just breathe while I slept.  I didn't sleep well, so I've been exhausted all month.  (Whine, whine, wah, wah, I know.)

The drive is over ten hours.  That is a long way.  I checked out three audio books in preparation.  I loaded my iPod with the podcasts I haven't yet had time to enjoy.  I didn't clean out the Jeep, but I figured I could use the extra Kleenex, baby wipes, umbrella and other miscellaneous items that make their way into the car.

I haven't been apart from my son longer than two nights EVER.  I felt apprehension because he is growing and learning so much  in a week.   I am selfish because I want to be present for the first new words and when he grasps a new concept.  I knew I'd miss a week of mothering rewards.

Plane tickets were nearly $700 at this last minute, pre-Thanksgiving time.  Totally NOT an option.

I also listened to my husband's opinion on this one.  I hate to admit it, but I rarely seek advice from him.  Usually I am asking for him to make the choice FOR me if its a tricky choice, not to just give scholarly input.

I am just too sick to travel that far by myself.  Pregnant or not.

I think I made this decision totally on my own, and its really not easy making choices that are the less fun, less desirable ones in favor of the smarter, healthier choice.

I hope that in two weeks time I'll be traveling there with driving buddy girlfriend or husband to keep me company.  I think that is the only way I could make the drive.

I mailed her a care package, so I hope that helps some!  I also vowed to call daily so we can have some of our good girl time chats.  Those are what I looked forward to most!

More Caffeine. More Random Info.

I had five dollars in my wallet, and it burned a hole straight into my palm at the StarBucks window.  Another nonfat, half caffeine peppermint mocha.  GRANDE.

I got SO MUCH done on Monday, that is my rationalization.  I have at least two hours of nap time to get stuff done!  So I needed the extra jolt.

Percussion ensemble.

I haven't written much this month because I have been struggling.  I've been struggling with maintating a healthy perspective on food, eating, and my health.  Right now I am on a good plan - finally back to eating three times a day, drinking enough fluids, and cooking food for my family.  It gets easier every single day I don't skip meals or count calories (on purpose or coincidence).  It gets harder when I notice that I am probably not losing any more weight.  I lost a lot in the last month, and I did enjoy that.  My doctor is very weight neutral and emphasizes that maternal weight has very little to do with healthy progression of a fetus in pregnancy.  He is disgusted by the emphasis on minimal weight gain or some "normal" progression of weight gain that doctors preach to their clients.  I feel very satisfied with this doctor/patient relationship, and so happy to have a nurse who calls to check on me and is so understanding.  I feel like it is ME getting the health care here, not the baby.

The couch that I spent about ten nights trying to sleep upright due to congestion.  DHH learned how to lounge and watch TV during this time.

Its not really just the eating disorder relapses.  Its also being PLAIN OLD SICK.  Colds, allergies, perhaps a mini-version of the flu... I seem to be getting it all.  My husband was down with a bad flu last week, which meant we were both running on half a tank of energy and caring for a child who, though he had the sniffles, was on maximum energy level.  That was really tough for us both.  We collapsed in exhaustion most nights.  He turned to Dayquil, while I was only able to have cough drops and hot tea.  Rough week!

The most popular game at our house.  Dump out objects from one container, fit them into another container.

I will be traveling to visit my friend Ann, who is having a considerably more difficult pregnancy than I.  I hope to be of some comfort to her.  I have been praying so much for her twin girls and their gestation.  She also has great medical care, but these circumstances are so rough. I cannot imagine total bed rest!  I should be thankful for my quickie trips to the store for more Vitamin D milk and for the opportunities i have been afforded to work.

Clapping with his dad's gloves.

My two adult education courses have ended this week.  We completed the film class with an American Christmas culture film, Its a Wonderful Life.  I really enjoyed watching this with ten people who never saw the movie.  They were surprised that American families really watch this every single year and didn't think it was too much of a Christmas movie. I had to explain that the warm and cozy feeling we get from George Bailey's life success is part of our culture of hot cocoa, decking the halls, being with extended family, and making New Year's resolutions.   On Friday several of my students graduate and return to their busy lives in Korea.  I hope they take with them the perspective of family, faith, and good will as seen in that film.

Total table food these days.  Pizza is aways a hit.  

I think I should write an update post about how much I am learning about parenting a 16 month old.  He is learning so much and continues to be a happy, fun loving child.  I think every family would have four or five children if all were so perky and delightful.  We are certainly hoping Baby H2 has the same disposition, and therefore counting on the same nature/nurture conditions this time around.  It would certainly be a bummer to have a baby who has a sour personality and does not enjoy hugging or reading.  What on earth would I do without little laughs and goofy antics?

Most Wonderful Moment of the Day...

It just happened - my most wonderful moment of the day.

I did bed time routine with him, something that is normally done by his father.  But because he is at a meeting tonight, I took over after bath time.  My little boy was squirrley and silly in the tub and was exploring pouring water from one cup to another.  When I dried him off, he hid under the towel and giggled.  Then he faked being asleep and made snoring noises.

After he got into his fleece jammies and bulky, night time diaper, it was reading time.  I love this time with my son because I think he views books as his friends.  He has certain stories he likes in a certain order and also participates in them by pointing, making sounds, etc.  We read Are You My Mother?, A Mud Pie for Mother, Puppies and Piggies, and  Goodnight, Moon (twice).

Then we said prayers.  He loves folding his hands together and pressed my palms together, too.  We did a simple prayer, but he wasn't done.  He cuddled into me and put his hands together again.  We said some more thank yous to God, and then I sang a few songs to him.  He snuggled right into the crook of my shoulder and neck, and if he weren't nearly three feet tall, I may have thought he was still a baby.

The last song I sang was Away in a Manger .  He was so peaceful during this time.  I layed him down with his bedtime buddies - a binky he holds and his Ernie doll, covered him with two handmade crochet blankets, and watched him settle into face down slumber.

I love that I have a baby to do these things for and with.   It adds so much value to my life.  I am so thankful for his healthy pregnancy and infancy.  I imagine my heart will be even more full when I have another child to love, too.

Indulgence.

I indulged myself in a delicious treat this morning.  I enjoyed a (half-caff) Peppermint Mocha.

And it was DELICIOUS.  Totally worth the $4.

Note: I was pretty hyper from the caffeine, too.  I haven't been drinking much at all and thus, I got WAY more accomplished before noon than I have in weeks.  I had a steep caff crash today at about 2 though!

A Mother, a Father, a Brother, and a ...

SISTER!

Gender of Baby H is TBA Tomorrow! (Probably)

In twelve hours, we have the chance to know our child's gender.  I am excited for another peek at the baby, as it has been an entire month since I went to the doctor last.  I am so surprised that I lasted so long!

Ideally, we would have patience and enjoy whatever gender of baby we get when I finish the delivery process.  

But really, I can't keep secrets and I don't like waiting for secrets.  So I bet we'll know tomorrow.

Oh, I learned that finding out the baby's sex is illegal in Korea since there is a strong male preference and abortion is illegal.  Sometimes the doctors will give hints (paint the room blue, bring a pink blanket, handsome like father, etc) and sometimes they hint WRONG on purpose!  Isn't that something?

Post - Misc.

Well, I am breaking some of the silence.  My blog has been silent because I haven't liked the voice I'd have if I wrote - I'd have to lie and say things were grand or share the ugly, nitty gritty.

There are some really grand times.  I spent a great afternoon watching my son learn how to move gravel with shovels at a local park.  He took his work so seriously.  It was awesome to see.

My parents also came up for the Saturday, and I enjoyed their company and seeing their new car.  I wonder what it would be like to have a car that is new? I can't imagine it.  I haven't really ever had a car newer than five or six years old.  My Jeep is ten years old.  My husband's truck is almost twenty years old.  It will be exciting for us to be debt free and pay cash for a new car, one day.

My teaching assignments are going really well.  I have only one week left before a very long break.  This week we viewed the western Open Range, and next week we will be watching an all time favorite, Its a Wonderful Life.  This film class has focused on outsiders and how society reacts to their behaviors or situations.  Watching Juno, Forest Gump, Psycho, and these two films while thinking of this theme was very interesting to me.  It was also so interesting to watch these with well educated adults.  Their opinions were just so wise.  Of course, they didn't understand some surface level idioms (ex: knocked up, give me a break, etc), but I prepared handouts that were perfect for this.  

I will still work Monday afternoons through Christmas break, and then in January, I've altered my plans to work less... less than full time, as they wanted originally.  I will probably teach for only one program, but three days per week.  That seems feasible.  And fair to my desire to be a SAHM with ONE kid while I can.

I finally got the Halloween decorations put away.  I didn't realize how many pumpkins were out.  I think DHH misses them, especially the colorful cardboard cutouts with pumpkins and cats.  He really, REALLY liked them.  I think I'll make a glittery turkey to hang up for him instead.  

We are somewhat excited about decorating for Christmas.  My husband rocks the lights, but this year isn't as interested in putting up as many.  I also feel apathetic about putting up a real tree with my fancy antique ornaments.  I don't want a discipline issue all the time.  I will figure out how to teach him the boundaries, I am sure.  We have a neat antique ceramic tree (which is in a back bedroom... a little tacky\, but we didn't store it properly when we got it last Spring) and he is allowed to touch it with one finger.  That works.

And now for the uglier thing... I'm really dealing with what happens when a pregnant person relapses into eating disorder behaviors.  I got pretty sick two weeks ago, which led to being weak and not having an appetite.  I experienced weight loss, and the part of my brain that restricts food got activated.  Every time I eat now, I think too much about it.  The choice to eat is difficult, even though I should have natural mothering instincts of nourishing my new baby. Its really hard for me because I am still physically ill from pregnancy morning sickness and gagging a lot.  This makes me not want to be around food, because I really HATE throwing up.  But too little food and I get weak, dizzy, and even more nauseous.  If I take the anti nausea Zofran, my appetite is totally gone, which is a bad thing and I don't eat.  

My stomach hurt so much that I finally called my nurse, who got me a different acid reducer medicine (Nexium).  I think the less acid has helped ease a lot of my evening pain and nausea.  She also convinced me to get back on the Zoloft so I can have more rational (less emotional) thinking in terms of food and eating choices.  I am not noticing a huge change in this, but I know I am way more healthy when I am on the Z and not influenced by ED.  I don't really want to go talk to a therapist, because I've heard EVERYTHING before.    Their $300 advice is the same advice I can give myself if I am in a healthy place.  

I noticed that there are SO few resources for pregnancy and eating disorder relapse, so I might post some of the research I did (or links to the journal articles).

And ... what else?  Anxious a bit about Thanksgiving.  The food side of it, the part where family conflicts can happen, the exhaustion I have, too many people being too loud and too busy with my son, etc.  I know I can't skip it all together, but I do wish I could.  I hate spending so much time away from my routine.  I don't sleep well in other places.  

That's enough blog confessionals for the day.