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| This photo is from Friday, when my son asked if he could "Giggle my sister" and then told me that was a game like wrestle to make her laugh. TOO MUCH!!!! |
Example: I missed them as soon as they drove away in their grandparents car, and then kept missing them whenever I'd see their beds were empty, and whenever I noticed how quiet the house was.
Example: There was a crying baby in Target. EK would have blown kisses to it,while her brother would have speculated what made that baby so grumpy.
Clean out closet, sorting through piles of maternity, mis sized, wrong season, or ugly that was a two foot swamp in closet floor , thus making it a walk in closet, not wade in closet, again. There's no example for this one. Its what I really did.
Make fancy food they would not enjoy. (Actually I think my baby girl would live the crab cakes we made, but an certain my son would gag!)
Spend a full hour awake but unmoving in bed, just thinking and resting. This was awesome.
Not share my husband with anyone else.
Or share myself with anyone else.
Watch TV that is not animated, and eat on the couch while doing so.
Example: Downton Abbey 2 and chips with queso.
Back up six months of home movies, and then more missing children as you see them play water guns or taste rice Cereal for first time.
Its SUPER tough for me to adjust from mommy-mode to just regular Bethany mode.
I am not good with sudden and temporary change.
I'm learning that I am holding on to some belief systems that are not very healthy, such as:
- I am the only one who can take care of my children perfectly.
- My children cannot function in top form if I am not around.
- My identity is more than shaped by having kids, its kind of all I have right now.
- I don't trust grown adults to do common sense things because if I did, I wouldn't give such basic directions.
- I can read my kids' minds.
- My life doesn't have a focus or much of a drive behind it unless I am with my kids.
That list is SCARY to me because I don't want to be so controling and inflexible and so world-revolving-around-my-kids type of a person.
I am glad I am being honest with myself and open to changing these things.
I must admit, I'm jealous that you get so much free time! :) I desperately miss being close to grandparents for this reason :).
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting you say this... Sometimes I envy YOU being so far away from extended family's sphere of influence'! You can choose what adults wIth what values to have your kids around, and you can use a church family as a real family.
DeleteAnd to be honest, I did not really want the kids gone this saturday. They were gone four days when the baby died in April, and then gone three days Memorial weekend, so this felt too soon. It is what worked though for their other set of grandparents, and it is important to share the blessing of our kids equally I think.