Baby's First Chocolate Theft.

We went to the mall yesterday, and while it was a quick trip and was relatively pain-free, I decided to have a sweet chocolate reward.

I bought a brownie at Panera and hid it in my bag, planning to savor it when the kids were asleep.

I just DIDN'T want to divide it in thirds, and let's be honest, the kids would probably beg for most of it since they are as crazy for chocolate as I am.

Also, I didn't want to deal with sharing it in the car and passing it over the seats on the freeway and having frosting on the car seats.

So I put it aside, and when I got home and it was oafter one, I had some work to do before I could enjoy that sweet brownie.  I needed to get the kids into nap time diapers, nurse the baby, read a story to them, and they say, "Happy Nappy!" to both kids.

After I put DHH down for a nap, I stopped by to check my email in the computer room.  EK was in the living room alone for less than five minutes - something that's not that ordinary since she can crawl and loves to play a little Find and Seek, crawling around until she sees us and then squeals.   I was expecting to see her little head pop into the doorway as I checked my email, but I didn't.

I heard some rustling, and I called for her.  I heard only a giggle as a response.
I moved in for a closer look.

She'd gotten the brownie from my bag, from inside the plastic clamshell container it was in, and had devoured most of it.  The frosting was all over her clothes, my bag, and her face.

I said, "What are you doing?" and she started giggling.

I laughed and that made her laugh harder.

We shared a good laugh, which turned out to be just as sweet for my soul as the brownie would have been!

No photo from this particular activity... I spent the time tickling her and licking some of the chocolate off her precious cheeks instead! The photos in this post are from this past weekend, and as you can see she's getting so tall!

Pretend Play: Eating Like a Dog

So, DHH had a pretty good visit at my parent's home. 

My mom encouraged his creativity by tolerating this idea:

Eating Puppy Sandwiches.

(Not made of puppies, made of Nutella)

And, the adjustment BACK to real life without grandparents and a little sister that hampers your adventures has been a ROUGH ONE INDEED.

I have to remember that this is just how it goes - relearning to how be a functioning member of our family again, using manners and non-violence.

Its like a growth spurt, and I have to CHOOSE to grow right alongside my son.

I'm Off Dairy Again.

For the last nine months or so, I've avoided dairy.
I did it because EK couldn't digest the milk protein, and it affected her guts.  As a breastfed baby, her diet is influenced by mine. I am aware that some nursing moms give up many more foods, and I am quite happy that I have enjoyed my caffinated iced tea, chocolate, veggies, and and gluten.


So back in the early summer, I stopped drinking glasses of milk, and it wasn't such a huge deal since I only drank milk with Oreos, spaghetti, or almond butter and jelly sandwiches.  Or in breakfast cereal. I also limited how much cheese I had, usually only two slices of pizza's worth of cheese per week.

The pediatrician recommended that at six months I reintroduce dairy into my diet to see if her system has matured to tolerate the milk protein.  I could tell by her watery, green tinged diapers and grumpy demeanor that she had not. 

We tried again at nine months, and it was a simiar story.

I had planned to introduce dairy into my diet in preparation for the sip cups of cow's milk that will be a big source of nutrition for her in the coming months, but now I am rethinking my plan.

Because now its ME that doesn't tolerate dairy!

I bought some Happy Birthday Cake Oreos (impulse that proved SUPER tasty) last week.  They lasted 24 hours at my house. I happily ate half the package, so I think I had three or four glasses of skim milk. 

We also had super double cheesy pizza that night.

The next few days, my guts felt terrible.

I remember hearing Dr. Oz tell his studio audience that so many more people are lactose intolerant, and you can determine if you do better with out milk if you go for a week and then reintroduce it and notice a big change.

I think I am off milk.

I'll be on almond milk (the HyVee regular flavor refrigerated is the best, then Silk's vanilla flavor) and also taking calcium and vitamin D supplements for the forseeable future.

Again, I am so happy that I haven't had to give up broccoli or chocolate or soda these last nine months.  That might be too much of a burden for this anti-formula mom.

Project 52, Week 6

My kids think its hilarious to web chat while they are in the bath tub. 

 My parents were really amused by them, too.

Its worthwhile to note that we've moved the Primo baby tub to the attic.  After 2.5 years of daily use, its retired.  It is one of the best baby products we've used, and I am slightly sad that its no longer needed! So many happy memories in that small tub. Le sigh.

(Some how I forgot to post this two weeks ago!)

Project 52, Week 8

DHHtakes on a different tone of voice and manners when he steps into

the role of his sister's teacher. He becomes straightforward, non

violent, and perhaps a bit bossy.

A Bad Thing Happened Last Night: Analyzing Relapse, My Triggers for the Binge, and What It Means For Recovery

Not a typical Mommy Blogger post - no photos of the kids. Just real things about Bethany

So its a fact that I have been afflicted by an eating disorder for now what is longer than half of my life.
2012 has been a very strong year for me so far.

Last night was a bad spot in my recovery progress, and its proof that I am not "healed" completely.

I binged for about 30 minutes in the evening.
It was unpleasant even as I was doing it.
It was unpleasant to cope with after I realized I was doing it and stopped.
Its unpleasant to use food to cope with negative emotions.

I gobbled two jumbo cranberry muffins and started picking at a third.
I guzzled two Dr. Peppers.
I started hunting through the fridge and found leftover sushi.
Then I started hunting again.

I stood over the kitchen sink and felt that familiar lump in my throat.  I felt the need to purge and then continue eating again.  I started crying.

Instead, I decided to just address the issue that was making me feel upset, empty, and isolated.

_________

In the clinical sense, it wasn't an absurdly high calorie count in a very brief period of time, but I did experience a loss of control and a feeling of panic as I searched through food. I also didn't  pause while eating.  It was gobbling, not enjoying the food.

I felt guilt, which is what happens when someone binges as an emotional eater.

BUT, five years ago or ten years ago, I would have had a really different experience.
I would have felt ashamed and kept it a secret.
This time, I told Dan (after snapping at him and asking him to give me a little space before telling him about it.)

He's had quite a lot of experience helping me through rough patches, and he knows that its best for him to sit very close to me, but not hug or cuddle me, and just ask me if I want to talk, and keep asking periodically.  He also knows the things NOT to say, which is pretty much anything except : That sounds pretty hard. I am sorry you feel so much pain.  What can I do to help? I care about you. I love you.


I also spent time thinking about the triggers for that binge.  Here they are:

- I was feeling upset about DHH going on a three day weekend to my parents' home. I didn't feel comfortable with him going because we've been having some difficulty in our mother-son relationship.
- I was feeling lonely.  Dan was in the garage, my sisters and mom were with my son after we spent a good time together all day.
- I didn't eat a proper lunch because I was stressed about DHH leaving.  We didn't sit down and eat dinner the way we usually do - it was in front of a DVD and just leftovers, so I probably didn't focus on the food and eating as much as I needed like I do when we sit down at the table and I eat mindfully.
- I was feeling stressed because my daughter is sick and I didn't have good ways to soothe her.
- I was feeling tired because she was up every three hours nursing her.
- I was feeling disappointed that I didn't do the exercise DVD I'd planned to do.

So with those feelings of loneliness, stress, and unmet expectations, as well as the physical aspects of being hungry and tired, it makes sense that I would turn to a coping mechanism like a binge/purge because that is what had helped me before.

_____

I also mark progress in that I did not purge.
I did not set unreasonable exercise goals for today.
I did not continue eating and feel despair, I felt like I COULD stop, I didn't have to keep going just because I started it.
I was honest about it to Dan, even though I really didn't have to tell him. I also told a friend today.
I asked for support.
I took it easy on myself. I had Dan put EK to bed and care for her and I went to bed early.

____

Oh, and I have to mention what I did when I realized I was so upset and abusing food.
I picked up the phone and called my son.
It was good to hear from him and hear his happiness in the background having a good time.
AND HE SAID THE FOLLOWING:

" I love you Mama and Dad. Bye bye!"

He never says that! It was so slow and so sweet and so good to hear.

A Big Success and A Mild Disappointment.

Two topics from my mothering work today:

Today DHH used the toilet in a store while we were out today. It was his own idea, and he asked a clerk where the potty was.  She clearly had never been involved in potty training (I guess her own!) so she didn't understand his word choice or our urgency. Even though he felt very concerned about the Loud Flush Potty, he did it.  Which is great, since he had a large amount of iced tea and was wearing (regular!) undies with a plain diaper cover over it.  Way to go, buddy!  I was most impressed that he asked someone else FIRST, and then told me where we needed to go.  He's starting to listen to his body signals and take action!


The mild disappointment is that I stayed awake until 11 PM, which isn't actually that late for me, but I have been exercising and getting up earlier, so it feels PLENTY late. I stayed up because little EK has been up to nurse at this time the last few nights.  This is a new thing.  She spent the better part of today crying, wailing, pouting, arching her back, sneezing, screaming, and refusing to nap.  I fed her last night and the night before at 11 PM and 3:30 AM and 5 AM, two times more in that time span than what is normal for her at 10 months, and its sad to be reminded those three times that she isn't feeling well.  I know she's just got a cold and she needs more fluids.  If there's a silver lining - and probably there are several layers of silver linings - I have the confidence in making health care decisions like this for her (just buy the baby nasal aerosol spray, irrigate her nose, pain meds before 5 PM since it makes her wacky).  I guess also silver lining that she's been so healthy and I think its because I DID do the vaccinations on schedule, especially the flu.

I like being a mother to these kids.

Two Kids Are Really Twice as Nice (But Not At First)

I can freely admit RIGHT NOW what I could not admit from May 2011 until September 2011.

Having two kids is twice as wonderful as having one kid.

Yes, its a confession of sorts, because I didn't believe having two kids could be as good as having one kid that I'd figured out how to parent and how to love.

Those first several months, it was just not twice as nice.

It was twice as tricky,

 twice as sticky, 

twice as shrill, 

twice as poopy, 

twice as buried in laundry, 

twice as stressful.

Its like when someone tells you when you are pregnant with your first kid, "Your life will never be the same again!" and you smile and sort of roll your eyes because inwardly you are saying OF COURSE, I AM AWARE, but then months later you find yourself repeating that old adage to another pregnant lady, this time with the wisdom that she CANNOT possibly get it.

People say again, "One baby and another on the way! You'll have your hands full." And again I rolled my eyes, because YES! I WILL STILL HAVE THE SAME NUMBER OF HANDS WHEN I HAVE MORE BABIES. Duh, it will be difficult.

However, it was so difficult for me at first that I DREADED waking up at 5 AM to feed the baby

 (who had practically slept all night)

because in an hour my husband would be leaving for work and leaving

 ME ALL ALONE TO DO TWICE AS MUCH MOTHERING as I was used to.

I know, boo hoo, Bethany. Cry me a river, your life is tragic.

But I was scared. 

I didn't like it.

I didn't like being so out of control and so scared of my life.

 It was hard to learn to juggle.  It was a learning curve.

For me, I had to figure out how to keep one from coming unglued while the other was needing me.

I had to figure out how to carry the second while making sure the first didn't run off into traffic 

(ONE HAND ON THE JEEP ALWAYS, BUDDY, UNTIL MAMA TAKES YOUR HAND).

I can tell you now that I was really scared of being responsible for two kids and my own health (which suffered to the tune of an eating disordered and fatigued fifteen pounds).

I can tell you because ITS NOT THAT WAY ANYMORE.

I really like having two kids.

 I didn't like it before because it was scary, but now I do like it in spite of the fact that its a little intimidating.

I like that I can compare them to each other and see their physical similarities and genetic differences.

I like going to tuck one in, then turn and take two steps to the other one's bed to kiss him goodnight, too.

I (sometimes) like that I am rarely alone anymore, as the elusive double napping nap rarely happens.

So today when I was waiting on someone to fix the sweet tea dispenser at HyVee with EK snuggled in the Ergo Carrier playing her version of Peek a boo 

(her favorite game, I think she plays it all day long with a variety of things to hide behind, and this time it was just her eyelid she hid behind and made an eee-ew! sound when she opened them?)

and my son pacing in front of the counter pointing at all the desserts behind the glass 

(That's Danol's faborite! The chocolate one, very chocolate one, my very best faborite.)

 and an older gentleman came up and smiled at me and said,

"Those are two blessings from God"

I could say at once,

"Yes, I am doubly blessed."

Which leads me to wonder why on Earth someone would only want a single helping of happy and have an only child.

Its starting to make sense to me that the Duggar couple just wanted twenty kids because having babies is so joy-inspiring.

How could I not want another kid?

Hair Cut Six Months in the Making.

Here are the before shots, which are also the motivation shots.  

Some one was not gungho about the haircut idea.

And that some one's father very generously offered to let his son cut his hair first.

Ways to Encourage Pregnant Friends

I enjoy Nicole's blog for her crafty projects and her insight into life.  She posted today about ways she could be an encouragement to so  many of her currently pregnant friends. Her ideas were to take the mom for pampering, pray for the family, create something for the nursery, and help host I shower.

I tried to comment, but my account isn't letting me comment on blogs lately, oddly enough.  Here's what I said.



You have an obvious creative talent, so making something special for the mother would be wonderful.  You could ask to make her a custom labor gown or birthing skirt, or you could create something for her to help her stay 


What I really liked was a Welcome Home poster on our front door. It was a great photo op and welcome. A friend made the best chocolate chip cookies for us, and also put some banana muffins in our freezer.  Having those snacks were really nice.


I friend took me for a pedicure, and I liked that.  I wouldn't have liked it with my second kid as much as I would have liked to have adult company or an afternoon of babysitting.  I didn't even think about toe polish for my second labor and delivery, but it was something  I thought was a big deal the first time.


It would also be sweet for you to write down the specific prayer you are saying for the mother or for the child, which would be great for a baby book.


You could also call periodically, and be willing to listen to complaints.  Being pregnant has a lot of high expectations from society -sometimes the mom to be might just want to whine about how uncomfortable she feels or how scared is is about being a mom, without having to hear some sort of "well, its all worth it!!" rhetoric.  You could also be willing to listen to birth plans, even asking about them is really nice and shows you have interest in her experience. 

Misc. Monday

1.
We went to Little Swimmers today with the kids, as a way for us to do something celebratory since Dan is off of work today.  It was EK's first swimming experience beyond the bath tub.  She was cautious, easily spooked, and took half an hour or so before I saw my girl smile and relax.  DHH, on the other hand, was bouncing with excitement.  He kept repeating that we were going to a pool and that it was inside and that mommy and daddy and himself and his sister and everyone all of us were going.  He's 2.5 hours into a nap, which is longer than usual, so I think the exercise and high energy level he had while splashing and giggling tired him out.

2.
I am thinking I'll go back to doing some tutoring for about 4 hours a week to add more income to our Save For   Replacement Car/Truck funds.  I always like teaching while I am doing it, however, I actually prefer not to.  But I prefer to have a way to get from here to there when its time to shop for a replacement for our Jeep and Dan's old truck, which a friend lovingly nick named Freckles (because of rust spots).

3.
I've been off pinterest for quite sometime, and I am feeling more satisfied and less overwhelmed.  I am actually getting more projects started and DONE, hooray! I have a few going on right now, and its fun to be so creative.  There are a few birthdays coming up, so I have some gifts to make!

4.
I started listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show in the afternoons.  I dislike  financial planning talk as a whole, but its encouraging for me to live inside our means instead of spending time at the mall or some place that makes me want to shop shop spend spend.

5.

Of course I am watching The Bachelor tonight.  I am hoping for a good dose of crazy.  Maybe I should have been a sorority because the girl drama level I've experienced in this life MUST be low if I want to watch this each week!  My husband could have succeeded in a sorority, too, I think.  He has some really catty comebacks for the girls' arguments.  And he doesn't even have sisters!

6.
We did some traumatic hair cutting last night.  It was traumatic for DHH, who wet his pants during the ordeal.  Which was traumatic for my husband, who was on clean up duty and had to mop that mess up, with all the little hairs and bad smell.  And it was traumatic for me because I realized just how much I LOVED HIS SHAGGY HAIR.  I may have said NEVER AGAIN, NEVER AGAIN WITH THE FITS AND THE TOO SHORT TOO GROWN UP RESULTS!

7. 
The kids are getting huge and old.  Evidence of this is that DHH is starting to use adverbs and prepositions in sentences and EK is a quick crawler.  Ex:  Elsiebug is crawling every where but we don't want her to go quickly into the wiv-ing woom, no, she'll no go anywhere else.

I linked up with lowercaseletters, so HELLO if you are a new reader!

Happy 102, Grandma Douglas

My grandmother, Gertrude Catherine Price Douglas was born this date in 1910.  She died when I was only five.

I was only ten weeks old here, but she was 72.  

Until recently, I felt so sad when I considered that I have no relationship with my grandma to remember.  Its depressing.  I lived in a close geographic location to her for the first years of my life, and probably spent a lot of time with her, but I do not have a memory of it.

What's more, this woman raised ten children of her own and was a positive influence on hundreds of other kids - her own grandchildren and relatives AND youth that attended the summer camps they ran in the countryside.

She'd be 55 here, close to the same age as my dad is today.  Neither one smiled for photos.

She could probably teach me so much about being a mother and about being a Christian woman.
And about history.
(She was a girl in the roaring twenties! Raised a family in the depression! )

So until recently, thinking about my dad's parents who died when I was young was unpleasant to me.

And then it occurred to me as I was reading that Heaven Is For Real book that its silly for me to mourn this loss, because I believe they are at home with the Lord and I'll meet them in a much better context.

When that time comes I'll tell her she was my daughter's namesake, born 101 years after her.

Entry Way

I remember learning from some HGTV show that the entry way of your home is really important and if it is clean and/or pretty, the rest of your house seems nicer, too.

So each day before Dan comes home from work or before company I've anticipated arrives, I stand in the doorway and look around the house.  I start cleaning with that view in mind!

I also try to make the front table look holiday-appropriate.  Here's what is on our table today!  I'll change out the Valentine's later this week.

I love our Valentine card and the little Valentine trinket I found at an auction.

Notice the gallery wall com

My Ann got these flowers for me as a hostess gift and thank you.

Its HER that deserves a big thank you for adding beauty to my life and my house!!

I love the flowers, and DHH smells them and carries them around, too.

And here's the banner I made for the kitchen, which you see from the front door.  I sewed it even as company was arriving on Friday night... I wanted a little festivity for our dinner party!

I had DHH help me punch out the hearts and circles, and it surprised me that his little hands aren't so little anymore.  His hands are strong and kind of larger than I'd guess is average... he's starting to look like a monster 2 year old, certainly not a petite 2 year old.  I bet he's at 99% for height now and 50% for weight, which is a huge kid and exactly EK's proportions. 

I don't think I'll leave the Valentine goodies up very log - January's decorations were up for four weeks and the first week of February, and so now I want to do something that is more spring and will work to add on to for Dan's birthday in March and EK's in April.

New Charity I'm Super Excited About: Sole Hope

I've been invited to a Sole Hope party a few times before by Ashley, but never had the fortune to attend.  However, since I decided to traipse down to my parents' home this past weekend and Brittany was hosting a party, I was able to go!

Sole Hope is an organization that gives to they needy.  They give jobs (which gives money and hope to widows without income) and give healthy feet (to kids who would be barefoot might contract parasite disease).

Here's their vision and mission statements:

Isn't that a cool idea?

Enabling families to be successful by creating jobs AND preventing disease in such an easy way as by giving pairs of shoes?

Oh, and here's a video from their site that is worth the watch.

So on Sunday afternoon, I left my kids to nap with my parents and went to Brittany's house.  I was one of several party-attenders who helped to create 43 pairs of shoes.

The process was interesting, too.

First, they collected used and unwanted jeans.

How many pairs of jeans have I had in my life that could have been repurposed this way?  I can think of a dozen pair in the last five years, ranging from uncomfortable maternity jeans to ones Dan ripped while putting Christmas lights on the house.

The patterns we used were for the same size shoe my son wears.  I found that VERY interesting, especially when I consider he has three pairs of shoes he has that fit right now: Snow boots, rubber boots, tennis shoes and had sandals, boots, crocs, and tennis shoes in the smaller size.  This kid is fortunate, but its a fortune that I really never appreciated.

It took about twenty minutes to trace patterns onto a pair of jeans, and about the twice as long e to cut the pieces out.

There were between ten and twenty people working for three hours, and let me tell you, it was not sweat shop style conditions.  There were snacks, catching up with old friends, and some goof off time.

The whole time I was cutting shoe pieces, I was thinking, "I should do this.  How many pairs of shoes could I help bring to Africa?  How many could my Bible Study make? How many could my extended family make at a mini-reunion? How many could my blogger friends make at their book clubs or MOPS groups?"

So of course, I am jumping on this band wagon and going to host shoe cutting parties. Its so simple and the benefit is so great.  So of course, I'll be doing this.

If you feel interested in this cause, I encourage you to look around their facebook site .  I would also encourage you to vote for them to receive a huge grant. They are currently winning the contest! 

Oh, and about the final product... they are soft soled shoes similar to Robeez shoes!  Of course I want a pair for my daughter to wear, since she's going to be walking very soon.  I bet dozens of people will comment on the shoes and will be a great marketing device, well worth the $30 I'd spend to purchase   So in addition to buying a pair for my daughter and perhaps serving as charitable inspiration for people who see the cute shoes, buying a pair of these shoes gives a pair to a kid, much like the Tom's shoes one for one program.
(However, unlike Tom's shoes, these shoes give a fair wage to locals and help a family)

HOW COOL is all this?
Are you a teensy bit excited?