Sicknessy-Mothering Jet Lag

For the last week, I've been woken frequently in the night by both children.

One is in the throws of cutting six teeth (and two new ones emerged already this week) and had a virus that left her with a high fever, zero appetite, sore throat and diaper rash.

The other was totally healthy until six hours after we went to pediatrician for his sister. Then he got a puke- bug and was ill for first time in a year or more. He was feverish, terrified, and very vocal ("I am SO sick! No, medicine cannot help! Nothing will help me. My tongue hurts! I am so grumpy! Wah! Wah! Wah! Sigh, moan, howl.")

I feel like I an really earning those Mother's Day accolades, and I am becoming more patient, less selfish, and more wrinkled with every night that passes in 90 minute sleep increments.

And I really want to complain about it, or at least commiserate.

Both kids sick at staggered times?
Gag!
A solid week of howling and sore muscles from carrying and rocking 20 and 34 lb babies?
Boo.
And backache from sleeping on nursery floor because I was compassionately commiserating with my little barfer.
Double bio.
I think I have a tolerance for crying that could rival a pediatric phelbotomist (trying to think of any person who hears more crying than that am I am stuck).

With the kids sleeping weird, they are awake and ready to go do something. They always seem nearly healthy at 7 am, too. So we've done errands and park and water play this week and are done for the day and grumpy before 9:30am.

Bed times have been closer to 6 PM, and that's odd, too.

And it's flipping hot here, like 95 degrees at noon and 105 until 7 PM, so we are indoor people. It's been tough to be confined so much (but thank you Netflix for Instant Busy Town access!)

So I feel a little confused on time and place and schedules.

It's like a jet lag from intense mothering.

Early Risers.

I am so glad that I took advantage of sleeping past 8 AM this winter when my kids were sleeping that late because phase is out the window.

DHH wakes up running and EK is equally as playful.

I haven't gotten the hang of it yet, but that us because I am still staying up too late with sleeping problems, and because I still don't drink coffee.

It's nice to be done at the park by r9 AM since its so hot much further into the day, and I do like how we have so much of the world to ourself when we leave the house at 7.

But don't get me wrong- I liked being in bed sleeping so late and in pjs so far into the day while that lasted!

Misc Monday - Mostly About Television, Slang Word Dislike,

These photos are the kind of shenanigans we have in our house daily.  
Hitching up a tricycle to the jogging stroller.  
For the record, I don't stroll this way, but their Daddy does.  Can you guess the more fun parent?

I'm watching The Bachelorette.

 I have nothing better to do with my time, apparently, plus, its the only single show I am watching this summer, since we watched all of Downton episodes in two weekends and Dateline is in reruns.

I feel like the show is pure entertainment, and I doubt any of the confessions of love.
I am not watching it as a grouchy curmudgeon.
I am watching it wistfully, wishing to go on a date in Prague in a helicopter with an evening gown.  It would be fun to do those things with Dan while we are still young, but I think these types of dates will be for us when we are 55.

I don't ever say "I lurve it" or "amaze balls" when I think something is particularly good.
A simple "fab" will do on the slang front.
I quit reading and paying attention to any blog that slings grody slang like that around.

Another thing on the slang front is that I try not to ever do text-type language.
However, its getting tricky to type as much as I want to on my iPhone, so I am inventing lots of keyboard short cuts that will instantly sub words for me.
 So long typing out long email address!
 So long typing any moderately long words!

Dan has started a free trial of Netflix.
 He is really enjoying the final season of 24, but I don't watch it, it's too intense! The simple beep-beep, beep-beep in between scenes gives me goosebumps.

Okay, more on television.
So now that we are doing Netflix, we are trying to get into a season of some TV show together.
Shows like 24 are out because I can't relax with so many scenes of peril and espionage.
Luckily, Dan isn't as picky as I am and seems equally interested in my top choice, The Tudors.
Its got some adventure scenes (like beheadings), but there's also the costumes and nudity.

And the last thing about television...
I think Dan and I are the only people around who aren't cuckoo for Mad Men.  We've tried watching this show twice now, and I think there's just two much subtext and the plot is too slow for us.  I love the costumes and attention to period detail, but I don't want to  waste fifty more hours of my life on that program.

I went over to my Mom's twin's house this weekend with my kids. Her grand kids were there, too. They are elementary school age; and hearing them call my aunt their grandma really made me realize that there are grandmothers in my family! That they are old! That they are old enough to be like their mom and have grand kids. Probably should have been really obvious, but this situation made me realize I am the mom and this, I am old, too.

I guess I am really old because this weekend the neighbors shot fireworks, and it made me grouchy.
 I couldn't believe they would do it so late into the night! It was 10:30 pm, later than I can imagine a backyard soirée being. Yes, these are not young, fun-loving thoughts, and I know it.  
Thank goodness the fireworks didn't wake up the kids.
Then I'd be an grouchy, old party pooper.

Church Nurseries Are Delightful

And I wish we were still able to use that service!

DHH is rapidly approaching age three, the maximum age. And he seems ridiculously huge and chatty in comparison to the other babies.

Elsie can't be left - she doesn't snap out of her separation anxiety fits after a few minutes like the other kids do. She makes the nursery workers stress, and we get PLEASE COME NOW texts .

So you can imagine how it was with al four of us in the same row today.
If you cannot imagine it, here are hints.
Toys, snacks, loudness, going out and coming back.
It was not terrible, and we survived.

But without much delight that comes from the nursery service.

The House We Haven't Bought and the Move We Didn't Make

I've been sitting on this huge, life altering news for almost two months, but haven't breathed (typed?) word of it!  I am not a secret keeper by nature.  I think I rocked this secret!  And now I can tell, since its all non-news and we are staying put.

A week after Samuel's memorial service, I was still feeling low in spirits and energy.
Just lethargic all around.
(Naturally)

We have contact with Dan's parents each week at almost the same time - Sunday evening.
We were sitting on our patio, watching the kids play in the mud and enjoying each other's company when we got a phone call from them that put our life on a different course for awhile.
They let us know that a family home would be for sale soon, and it would be something we should look into.

I will sort of shroud this part in mystery since its a public blog, but feel free to contact me if you want additional details because we are friends and you want to know more about my life or something, okay?


So, anyway, this is a house that we never considered being able to own at this time in our lives because it is so much house(!) with so much potential(!) and seems like the most perfect house in which to have children who have friends who play table tennis and take prom photos on the stairs and do mature, family life.
Its a house that has done these things (plus annual huge family Christmas for Dan's family for close to fifty years) and has been perfect.

We always liked this house and admired it from a far in the same way we admire people who buy vintage Mustangs.  We love them, but we don't change our whole life to be the owners of one since its not the phase of life we are in.

So in that short phone conversation, we had a whole new problem/opportunity to consider besides just raw grief.
That was a blessing!

We had to think if we were ready to change from our moderately sized college town to a super-small town.
Oh no, I 'd miss our library, our dozens of parks, my HyVee, beloved anonymity in certain places around town, and steady friendships in familiar haunts.  

We had to think if we'd be cool with Dan commuting an hour and fifteen minutes each way each day to the job he has now until he found a similar job closer to that new town.
But we love his gone before the kids wake up at 6:15 AM be home after the afternoon naps end at 3:15 PM job he has now and would have to sacrifice seeing him that additional two hours a day.

We had to do the tight math to see if it could work for our budget that's pretty well fixed here to see if there'd be room for a bigger house bill and commuting bill.
But maybe we COULD have a large house and pay the same payment we do on our small house and then have the additional money for the fuel we'd need.


We had to consider how many more times we would want to move, and if this would be our Grown Up Family House.
We hate moving, and we don't want to do it more than three more times in our entire life until we are dead.


We thought of what it would mean to have our home on the market.
They sell in about six weeks in our neighborhood these days, but that would be six long weeks of kid-free fun and mega-cleaning and could we wait to buy that house until ours was sold? lines of thinking.


We had to evaluate our life plan and goals at this point, wondering if we were just staying status quo and living without risk, but without real gain.

We've been living in the same town since our freshman year of college, though really not by absolute choice. We never gave up another job opportunity to choose this town above another town.
Practically all our friends have moved on and elsewhere.
We've had great luck and success here.
We live in the same house we bought when we were engaged, and we know we cannot afford much more of a house in this town with one income, so we haven't house-shopped.
We didn't really town-shop, either.

This topic was new and exciting, considering a move and big life change.
It was a great reprieve from wondering if I would get pregnant again this year and have another miscarriage and other big life stuff.
It brought us together as a couple and was a perfect distraction.

I called two close friends who helped me realize I would be game for a move like this, even though I do love living in my city.
They helped me realize the perks of the small town and proximity to family and tiny school system.
They agreed and lamented with me on the negative aspects we'd have living in a small town in close proximity to family and with a tiny school system.
They encouraged me with thought provoking options to consider.
They helped me think about the reasons I was drawn to the house and the issues I'd face if we moved.
They helped me consider this possibly once in a lifetime chance to buy this particular house with this particular specialness.
Thank you, Ann and Laura (and PS - can I link to your blogs?)

We made our "let's pursue this option" choice in a few days, which was good, since we were given a month before they'd make plans for selling the house on auction.

We would regret it if we didn't pursue it at all.
It would be better, WAY better, if this opportunity came two years from now, further into our financial goals for buying a bigger house and closer to the time we needed to decide where our kids would do school.
BUT.
It wasn't two years from now, it was right now, right this instant.
Timing wasn't in our control on this one.

We toured the house as potential home buyers (instead of with the eyes of grandchildren home for a visit).
We thought about what we'd want the house to be like to fit us.
We thought about our life there.
We put some eggs in the basket, but didn't put the cart before the horse TOO much.
We discussed what we'd like to see happen with the people who were in charge of the estate.
We did a lot of pre-planning.
We tried being very emotionally distant (but the house with the perfect stairs for prom photos! A mantel for stockings! A place for a rec room!) and agreed to be content with what we have right now.

And then...
Nothing.

A lot of time went by for us.
It was probably twenty days or something in reality.
But since we altered our life plan in less than a week, it felt like a long time.
It was hurry up and wait.

And then not very positive news.
As it turns out, plans changed for the rest of the people involved.
The house won't sell in the way originally discussed or for the price originally discussed (thatwe can do it right now).

This means we have more time to scratch together savings OR it means we have more time to watch others buy the house instead of us.

It means the money part of it - and its tacky to talk money, I know, especially with family involved - but the money part just doesn't cut it for us to make a move now.  Things would be tighter AND there'd be commuting fees and time.

So we were disappointed, and we pretty much figure we won't be moving into this awesome, perfect family house with a great location and yard and history.
But the good news is that we aren't that disappointed, only mildly.
There aren't hard feelings, and there isn't even a whisper of spite.
I think that's a good sign that we did this the right way!

I don't really want to move to Dan's hometown, and I do really like it here in our current life.
I do wish we had two extra rooms on our house, and Dan wishes we had more of a rural home experience, but these wishes aren't so pressing that we are going to force a move when its just not right.

This experience of "oh gosh, we need to figure out if we are going to move to a permanent place in a week" brought us a lot closer together.
It forced some conversations about what we really want to do vs. what we think the other wants to do vs. what is best for the whole family vs. what is best for individual members of the family vs. long term goals vs. short term goals.

We made so much progress on being the Dan and Bethany we will be in the future.
We worked great as a team, and we communicated well together on how our emotions and thoughts were fluctuating.

So, as it stands right now, we haven't discussed this house in two weeks and we aren't planning to move.
We aren't disappointed that we aren't moving right now.
We are making plans for the future without this house.
We are remembering how awesome of a house it is.
We are appreciating where we live right now.

There's no bitterness and no celebrations - its kind of a null feeling, I guess.
Its total peace on this situation, and I think it must be something bigger than ourselves on this -its because we prayed about this specifically.

But this was such a HUGE deal to us during the entire month of May that I couldn't not write about it!

I'd love any of your pieces of advice, particularly if and how you decided to move on from your default, everything is good and no major catalysts for moving to a new and different life.  Really.  How do I know when we are done with this phase of our life?

Laundry on the Line

**This is a little dull post; I get that. I am practicing daily writing, and I like to use photos in posts. I am writing on my iPhone; and thus, my photo selection is slim (really only kid photos!). So this is what this will be about- laundry! It's something I do each day, so I guess it's worthy of a post! **

I dry about half of our laundry outdoors on a clothes line in our backyard.

I used to think this was incredibly tacky; however being "green" became popular and I suppose I felt less redneck and more modern.

I dry most of the cloth diapers outside, except for the cotton prefolds. They get too crunchy! All microfiber and covers dry in an hour to dry in mid June.

I used to dislike drying most clothing and linens outside because I thought they had a odd smell and were not soft. I tried drying them with dryer sheet and damp clog for ten minutes, but that didn't completely fix issue.

I learned to use fabric softener, which I never used because its just not necessary for the Country Save detergent I use. Fabric softener fixes the smell and stiff issue.

You are not supposed to use fabric softener or dryer sheets if you do cloth diaper laundry because they can leave residue in machines. However, I have found that Caldrea and Mrs. Meyers don't leave any residue and therefore, are great products for our house.

I read that it saves you about $1.25 per load of laundry you line dry. I think that means we could save more than $60 each month. We don't line dry all he time, and certainly not in non spring/summer months.


Do you line dry?
Do you think it's tacky?
Do you think it's a good cost savings ?
Do you have any tips or tricks?

Three Babies: Age One

My BFF Ann is in town, so we've gotten to play together a few times.

Those pesky children are getting in the way of our usual Bethany and Ann fun... but the fun we are having together as mamas is still good fun.

We dragged the babies on a grocery store trip on Monday evening.  

We fit three car seats in the back row of a Trail Blazer (two Britax, one Maxi Cosi... the Maxi Cosi is the smallest, FYI if you have three babies who need to be in the same row!)

Then we fed them spaghetti and bathed the spaghetti out of their hair.

Three in a tub at once!  Ah! The cuteness! (And the volume level!)

Next came PJ time.

And a compulsory posed picture.

We made them sit on a small bench.  

They were not thrilled.

After a short stroller walk, Miss C and Miss E went to their Missouri grandparents' home for bedtime.

My little lady went on to bed, perhaps dreaming of a day when she will have a sister of her own.

Or maybe just regular dreams, of her favorite things like grapes and swinging.

The Kissing Stump

This *could* be a wordless Wednesday if I were up to a wordless post, but I haven't met my word quota for today, so I'll type a bit to tell you more.

The photo is taken my parent's front yard on a recent tree stump.

DHH thinks it was made for him to do stump jumping on, but really, it had to be removed because it blocked satellite TV signal! 

My mom told him it was a kissing stump because he is the right height to lean in for a smooch.

I am glad I had the camera ready to catch this kiss!

Forgoing Bedtime for Fountain Bliss

I readily admit that I am the kind of mom who has clung to bedtime routines and specific bedtimes (X hours after the last nap ended OR half hour before Dancing with the Stars Finale comes on type of thing).

Its worked really well for our family to have structured times for sleeping because we are new at being parents and found that the rhythm of our day kind of went with the clock more often than not.

In early June, we went on a hike that was an hour longer than we'd planned, but instead of cancelling the post-hike activity I'd talked up during the hike because the clock said 8:30 PM (which means its bath and bed at our house), we ignored our responsibility to The Nightly Routine and did the activity anyway.

The activity = Sonic and the Shelter Fountain.

It was a fantastic parenting decision.

DHH loved his chocolate milkshake and ate the entire thing, only spilling the smallest of dribbles.
EK didn't even know she was missing the off-limits dairy product.  She was enamored by the fountain.

She pointed, oohed, and screamed for it.
She danced and bobbed up and down and lifted her hands as the water rose higher.
She clapped for the fountain and squealed at its colors.
She was in fountain heaven.

It was easily the happiest night of EK's life, or that's what we assume by the gusto she showed.

Eventually, she realized she needed a little drink, what from all the cheerleading and hooping she was doing, so she claimed my limeade.

DHH took his shoes off and sang, Deep and wide, deep and wide, fountain flowing deep and wide.
He searched for the pump that made the fountain work and asked what "high voltage" meant and why the sign said it.

Both children ran around in circles around the fountain.
They approached the fountain and tried to get into the colorful waters.
They had as much fun with this fountain as they did with the Christmas tree the first time they saw it lit.

It was a fantastic experience for me as a parent, too.

I have several memories at this fountain, including childhood memories.
I came here as a girl with my mother and sisters on the summer weekends we'd visit my aunt and cousins who still live in this city.  If we were really lucky, we'd have DQ blizzards and catch lightening bugs.
If we were just regular lucky, we cousins would chase each other around the fountain and debate which colors/fountain arrangements were the best.  Our moms (who are twins!) talked about adult things.that we ignored and were easily convinced to let us stay just five more minutes.

I called my mom when we were there, and DHH told her where we were.  She could probably her EK shrieking in the background.  It was a cool moment to re-visit with my mom.

Another very pleasant memory at this fountain was for my 21st birthday dinner.  My real birthday was during the week, before a Chem 33 exam, so there was no tequila until that Friday night.
Instead, Dan and I brought sandwiches and sodas to the fountain and watched children dash around catching lightening bugs.
It felt pretty romantic at the time, even though it was just Subway cookies and holding hands.
We had dated nine months and were more than smitten.
I knew we'd bring kids to this fountain to play one day.

So taking the kids to this place was a little like a Circle of Life experience for me, and it was well worth the crabby bath time we had at 9:30 that night and the even crabbier morning we had the next day as we pried DHH out of his bed to get ready for church.

This is one of the best nights of 2012, and certainly the best night since becoming un-pregnant again.
Its little times like this that I experience such strong joy that the pain abates and is nearly not there at all.  And when the sadness comes back, it is less strong and has much less sting than it did originally.

I am really thankful for this experience with my family and the treat it was to share in the joy we experienced as a family that night.

Misc. - Things From The Weekend

All photos in this post courtesy of my iPhone! Its a nice little pocket point and shoot, and though I don't love every photo it takes, its handy and perhaps the biggest improvement from my prior not-smart, not-photo-good phone! 

We celebrated my mom's birthday this weekend with my entire original family plus their plus ones (and twos).

My dad organized this Sunday lunch - beer can chicken, corn on the cob, watermelon, broccoli salad, potato skins, and ice cream cake- and the gift - a new table and chair set for the back deck. 

We didn't actually eat the good meal on the deck since it was in the 90s, but we enjoyed both the lunch and the new chairs at different times.

Oops, one member of the family can't eat dairy.  Her young palate didn't realize it was experiencing spoonfuls of frosting instead of ice cream.  Phew!

I did one of my favorite things to do at my parents' house on Saturday night - watch two cable reality TV shows at once, flipping back and forth.  

I did Undercover Boss and a show about an air port and its colorful guests.

I also enjoyed Two Fat Ladies on the cooking channel and some show about a neighborhood of broke people who work together to organize their budgets and incomes.  

If there was a wedding dress shopping show on or the Neely's cooking some Southern food, it would have been the perfect TV experience.  

Even so, I enjoyed!  

It could have gone on for me through the night, but a strong storm knocked out their satellite signal, so I was forced to do a different guilty pleasure - skimming some 200 blog posts that come into my Google Reader.  

I had insomnia that night, and didn't sleep until 2:30 AM.  

I think the insomnia was related to a specific event that was about miscarriage, but I can talk about that in a different post.

Pressing the PANIC button on the car keys is just fine when the car is  out of range.  This girl is in the Button Pushing Stage, a stage her  older brother hasn't come out of yet.

On Saturday morning, I went in for a Kara haircut.

  

Kara is my hairdresser, and there are some great things about her I want to share with you.  

First of all, the haircuts are SO INEXPENSIVE AND FABULOUS.  I used to get my hair cut in my same city for around $40, not including tip.  Here, I can get my hair cut PLUS my brows PLUS a 30% tip for half that price.  Don't get me started on the fee for hair coloring.  Its insane.  Unfortunately, I didn't know what color I'd like and as I left the house, Dan told me that he actually preferred the current color of my hair (which was last colored in 2010, I think).  So no hair color.  

The second thing about Kara is that she is the kind of person I would want to have as a sister or a neighbor. I think she's mature beyond her years,and her kindness is paramount.  She is a reason why I'd consider moving away from my larger town to a very small town.  That is, if I can be garunteed there are at least a few Karas in that small town.

The photo below is of me and the new hair, minus any make ups.

Sometimes when we visit my parents, there is manual labor that must be done.

I am not usually the one doing the manual labor.

Its often my husband or my dad, or both.

This weekend, it was both.

They installed new brakes on my sister's car, new Freon for my car AC, and new shocks for my car.

My dad has a pretty good set up for car mechanic-ing in his shop and has years of prior experience.

What he lacks in experience, Dan compensates for in YouTube how-to searches, so they are a good team.

They spent a few hours putting together the new patio furniture, so I think they spent seven or eight hours total working in the shop.  

We are lucky to have these guys do the work for us instead of hiring out!

My husband cleaned my parents' gutters using a really tall ladder.  

It gunks up with pine needles, and Dan doesn't mind clearing it once a year.

DHH asked to climb up the ladder, and for the first time, I wasn't nervous about this.  

He has a lot of practice on playground ladders, and this was not much different.  

I think in this case, his playing was practice for a real-world application. 

I am glad he is not afraid of heights and that he felt safe with his grandpa coaching him up and down the ladder and his dad marking a clear boundary of how high to go up with his position on the ladder.

EK slept solidly at my parents' house in a pack n play with the fan buzzing nearby.  

Its really similar to the set up of her naps in our room in her pack n play.  

She does not sleep well for naps in her own crib and has trouble falling asleep in there for bedtime, always popping up and trying to talk to her brother.  

DHH calls it her Peekaboo Crib and always requests for her to go to bed in our room instead of bothering her.  

I wonder how long this will play out - her falling asleep at 7:30 in our room and then being transferred to her crib at 9 PM (where she stays until 5 AM or 7 AM, depending on when she wakes up to ask for a bottle and then chugs it in two minutes.)

Tracy Hogg's parenting mantra, "Start as you mean to go on" really should have been heeded in this case, but a year ago we chose to put EK's crib in our room instead of her brother's for individual napping purposes, so both kids seem to require privacy in order to fall asleep.

Father's Day

My kids have a really good father.

He sacrifices his own pleasure to take interest in their pursuits and time with them instead of working extra or doing hobbies.

I want my kids to know he chose them over games of golf or career advancement.

I want them to know he got up early with them when they were babies and that he took great pleasure singing them to sleep.

I want them to know he chose a job that let me stay at home learning about our children and chose to come straight home after work so he could enjoy their company as long as possible.

I want them to know they are lucky ones who can be quite sure of their Daddy's love for them.

I am really happy to celebrate my husband on Fathers' Day!

Cute Boy Sleeping in Nest of Pink Fluff with His Binkster.

He is delightfully happy about this set up, using his sister's blankets while his are in the wash, enjoying a slurp of his pacifier than he only refers to as a binkster, and snug after a two hour nap.

He said, "Look at me! I am cute.  Take a picture of my nap nest."

I know this photo could be used for blackmail one day, but I don't mind.
I also know people are paci haters for two year olds, but this boy is the Paci Fan Club President, and I am not going to revoke his membership in that club while we're still getting afternoon naps out of him.

Short Break From Work

This week I started back to after school tutoring.

My pupils were all on 2-3 week vacations on either coast. (!!!!!)

I spent the time unstressed about waking kids early from nap to meet Dan, and finding freedom from rigid meal plans. I have to have dinner organized because he kids are mod dinner when I arrive home around 6 , and for some reason this is worse than cooling the regular supper I me.

It was a very good break and probably worth the 300 dollars I lost, but maybe not more, even though famtime is priceless of course ( my income goes to new car savings, which is kind of the only sexy aspect to saving money I have found. Missing three weeks means we are that much delayed moving up in car..)

I found myself being more productive than ever on those afternoons I don't work, so that is really wonderful.

I liked not teaching anyone but my kids, and I dreaded Tuesday afternoon in the worst way.

I did get the warm-fuzzy feeling that comes with being a professional educator.

I am considering another family/pupil, provided they are Korean girls or boy/girl sibling pair, hopefully 3-6 grades because that's my favorite demographic. Doing this will add stress, but maybe not too much more.

I can easily say these days I Much Prefer not working full time, even if we live on half what we could and I have to say,"Yes son, a satellite dish woe be awesome, but to do that you would have to go to daycare, and that is not a sacrifice I want to make."

I really love my kids and I think this tiny work week is all I can do right now.

And I am happy I am not working weekends, though Saturdays used to make me 100 bucks a day...

PicMonkey Photo Collage: Tips and Examples

So I edit every photo I take these days, and I have a pretty good camera and try to be thoughtful about what I shoot before I click.
I don't exactly aspire to have a business, but I do want to be someone that says, "Wow, those are great photos! You captured emotion really well."
I use the online FREE software called PicMonkey. It is better than any other photo editing I've used, and its very easy to learn to use.

You can now make collages in PicMonkey, and while I don't know exactly what I will use the collages for, apart from blogging or as a ready-made page to a digital photo book, I like this feature.

Here are two I've done recently:

To achieve the best results, I think you should edit your photos to basically the same color value and lighting, and then crop them to be on the portion of the photo you want in a collage.

The first collage was a premade template, And I didn't adjust the sizes of the photos much.

The second collage was made using a three photo side by side layout, and then I added a photo to the bottom of the third photo by dragging it there.  Then I deleted it, leaving an empty space for me to write in.

In order to have writing, I saved the file, then opened it in PicMonkey photo edit.  I simply added the text from there.

Both collages were made in the same night in about twenty minutes.  I could have done it faster, but I was being a little prissy about it alll.

By the way, I want these photos to tell the story of a summer afternoon.
The story reads like this: We like working with water.  I call it water play, but you can tell to them its their WORK, and they are successful at it!

Taking both kids to MY doctor

I took both children with me to an 8 AM appointment a few days ago. I need a renewal of medication* and to ask a few birth control questions**

Last May I took both kids with me - a six week old and a not yet two year old. It was BAD and so traumatizing that I waited a full year to try it again.

The night before I practiced with both kids. I spread a blanket out and told them it was where I would put snacks and toys. We practiced waiting while adults talked and praised good behavior.

The first ten minutes were golden and exciting to me as a mom. (They were following the plan! We can go places in society now!)

There was the business of asking lots of questions about the medical equipment and decorations in the room and trying to climb on everything ( can you guess which kid did what?). We broke out a new toy and fruit snacks after the nurse left, and that lasted for most of the doctor's visit.

I asked two too Many questions, which made appointment over 25 minutes (longer than episode I'd "Curious George", so bound to be too long).
I was rewarded wit mild whining and sine Trix flinging.

The doctor was not phased, and I walked out of there with dignity.

And this was a week before I had a smart phone! Now we can do Peekaboo Barn or Busytown.
I may be able to bring the kids to a nonchild place and go somewhere aside from library or park these days!!

Moral of the story: kids can cramp your style and humiliate you in a nutritionists' office, but don't swear off going places with them. Just wait it out, coach them, and one day try it again.

*Zoloft, hadnt taken it regularly in three months, perhaps a hope for the insomnia? And certain solution for preventing eating disorder relapse, of which I am nervous about since I started working out.

**so you Really REALLY think I could use the pill and get pregnant and not miscarry if pill fails?? Really for real? Because I cannot have another baby die on me just right now and feel guilt for a choice I made.

A Recipe for Tuesday: Kale Couscous

So, now that we have iPhones, Dan actually reads my blog with regularity.
He comments IN PERSON, not on here, I bet never on here.

Last night he said in a jovial tone, "So are you going to blog this? Take a photo!"
I thought he was being cheeky about this, teasing my blogginess.
However, he set me straight.
It was a really good, really unusual recipe that needed a little attention.

I'll call it Kale Couscous, but I guess it could be called Surprise! You Can Enjoy Greens and Odd Grains!


We were having grilled pork tenderloin, and I knew we needed a side other than corn on the cob, and it had been a few days since any leafy greens were in our diet.

I had all the ingredients on had, seeing the kale on sale at the grocery store for really cheap and knowing its something one should eat, I got it.
A quick google search lead me to see that its possible to sub kale for spinach, provided you remove those tough skins and chop it into smaller than spinach leaf sized pieces, because it could be tough to chew otherwise.

I served it with a little hesitation, mostly because the last couscous recipe I made was boring and mostly got put in the compost bin.  This recipe was much better, and it could have been doubled had we wanted another two serving portion for a leftover meal.  Even EK scooped hers up!


So here's what you do.
I'd use a large pan/pot/dutch oven for this.. its a one pot recipe!


Kale Couscous
Ingredients:
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced or grated with microplane
1 bunch fresh kale, washed, stem removed, chopped into small slivers
1 cup chicken stock (or more, if you want a wetter couscous, which we like, so I used 1.5)
2 T lemon juice (or fresh lemon or lemon zest)
Parmesan cheese (I used the rest of a package, about 1 cup, but less would be fine, too)

Process
1. Chop onion, saute in olive oil on medium until it has softened, but not totally cooked down.  Grate garlic cloves into the pan,
2. Add the kale, as finely sliced as possible to ensure tenderness.  Cook down, approx. 5 minutes.
3. Add chicken stock to pan.  Bring to boil.
4. Add couscous, lemon juice, and parmesan. Stir well.  Remove from heat and cover 5 minutes, then stir well again.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

Here's an unrelated, but pleasant photo that I am including so that I might feel some appreciation for my daughter, who has been an emotional teether and poor sleeper this last two days, giving me cause to feel some grumpy vibes toward her.

That's better.  Happy peekaboo photos cheer me up.

Misc. Monday - On R Rated Songs for Children, Big Boy Puzzle, Soy Milk vs. Dairy Comparisons, Play Mates, and Instagram

(Please click over to Carissa's page to see a really pretty wedding, one I'd like an exact copy of if I were marrying again this summer - to Dan again, of course.  Just 30 year old Dan, not 23 year old Dan.)

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My kids' favorite artist is Gwen Stefani. They love the while Love Angel Music Baby CD so much that I need to get the G Rated version ASAP, because its not too long that DHH will believe me that it's a song about a banana ship.

Instead of that's my shit, DHH came up with Christmas ship

Yes it's B- A-N-A-N-A-S that both of them sing and bop around to a CD I bought in college and that it changes a fussy mood in the back seat to one that is so jolly.

I don't think I am doing some irreparable damage having my kids listen to this music on occasion.
I know DHH is a sponge, and he has most of the songs/verses from the Seeds CDs memorized (in his own language style)
I would, however, like Gwen to release a remix that is child appropriate. Please Gwen?

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This puzzle is DHH's current favorite  He's had it four weeks now and can do it by himself now.  I feel a great sense of pride when he talks about those puffins he sees in Alaska or about the cactuses (he doesn't know the term cacti, not yet) in Mexico.  He surprised me by asking me to draw a picture of our friends in Mississippi.  I didn't know he could make the conection. We haven't been there, so telling him they live in Mississippi is not a concrete thing, and a map is also an abstract idea for him.  Now he likes to talk about what John and Ann and their Babies are doing in Mississippi when he does the puzzle and wonders if they will travel over to Louisiannie to play trumpet. 

**
It takes my one year old two days to drain a carton of her soy milk.  I have found that she likes the Organic HyVee generic in Original or Vanilla ($2.75), and that she prefers 8th Continent Complete Vanilla (Sale price is usually $3, so if I see it, I buy four).

DHH's milk is either whole or two percent, occasionally organic.  In two days he also drinks half a gallon, which is probably $2 - $3, too.

I included the prices because I thought soy milk was much more expensive, but its really not.
Especially when I was feeding her that soy formula from 11-13 months, which is just under $20 a tin and lasts only a week.

DHH always makes sure he is getting the cows' milk.  He wants to check.  He knows his sister cannot have it and needs the soy, one time going so far as to tell his grandpa Zeke that she gets dia=REE-ah from it.  He's since been told that bathroom business is a private thing, and that it is not kind to his sister to talk about her poop in public.


If we didn't have kids, I think we'd buy a half gallon of 1%, possibly organic, every two weeks.
I only drink milk occasionally now that I realized I feel healthier without dairy (possible link to EK's intolerance?) and I wouldn't know this if I hadn't had to cut dairy while breastfeeding.
Dan only uses milk to wet down cereal, and he could easily have waffles instead of cereal for breakfast.
I do like Vanilla Almond Milk, generic HyVee, for cereal or rare glass-drinking, but the only downside is you must finish it in seven days, so I'd have to commit to cereal every day, and I rarely do that.


Its interesting to me that the soy and almond milks expiration date is at least a month longer than the cow's milk. In very clear instructions, you are told to finish the milk in a week, and that isn't on the milk jug.
I wonder why there is no finish by once you've opened it date on milk?
What makes them chemically/compostionally different?

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This collage shows what a morning of play looks like at my house.  You notice that little sister is becoming a side kick/shadow, and her big brother is learning tolerance.  

My favorite app for the iPhone is now Instagram (Dan's is tied for the flashlight, the level, and maybe the genealogy ones).

My instagram name is mamabethany, so if you have instagram, add me, and I'd love to follow back.
Otherwise, you can see my photo feed in the right side of my blog or via this site.

What I Learned As the Kids Were Away...

The time goes slowly at first, but now I feel like they were gone six hours not thirty six.

The Mommy I Missed You and Could Not Possibly Forget You Hug and accompanying squeal are wonderful and hardly matched to much anything in parenting.

I liked feeling missed because it translates into feeling loved.

I have control issues when it comes to my kids.

I mistrust even trustworthy people because I buy into fear.

I need to work through why I think I am pointless or identity-free when I not mothering.

Those three areas are big places for personal growth.
P
Dan and I didn't annoy each other and could communicate well without kids as buffers.

Our house is Really Noisy most of the time, and I really do thrive in quiet places.

There is still laundry to do even without them, but a lot less sweeping.

Things To Do While Children Are Away.

This photo is from Friday, when my son asked if he could "Giggle my sister" and then told me that was a game like wrestle to make her laugh.  TOO MUCH!!!!

Miss them.
Example:  I missed them as soon as they drove away in their grandparents car, and then kept missing them whenever I'd see their beds were empty, and whenever I noticed how quiet the house was.

Think about what each would have said or done in reaction to situation.
Example:  There was a crying baby in Target.  EK would have blown kisses to it,while her brother would have speculated what made that baby so grumpy.

Clean out closet, sorting through piles of maternity, mis sized, wrong season, or ugly that was a two foot swamp in closet floor , thus making it a walk in closet, not wade in closet, again. There's no example for this one.  Its what I really did.

Make fancy food they would not enjoy. (Actually I think my baby girl would live the crab cakes we made, but an certain my son would gag!)

Spend a full hour awake but unmoving in bed, just thinking and resting.  This was awesome.

Not share my husband with anyone else.
Or share myself with anyone else.

Watch TV that is not animated, and eat on the couch while doing so.
 Example: Downton Abbey 2 and chips with queso.

Back up six months of home movies, and then more missing children as you see them play water guns or taste rice Cereal for first time.

Its SUPER tough for me to adjust from mommy-mode to just regular Bethany mode.
I am not good with sudden and temporary change.

I'm learning that I am holding on to some belief systems that are not very healthy, such as:
- I am the only one who can take care of my children perfectly.
- My children cannot function in top form if I am not around.
- My identity is more than shaped by having kids, its kind of all I have right now.
- I don't trust grown adults to do common sense things because if I did, I wouldn't give such basic directions.
- I can read my kids' minds.
- My life doesn't have a focus or much of a drive behind it unless I am with my kids.

That list is SCARY to me because I don't want to be so controling and inflexible and so world-revolving-around-my-kids type of a person.

I am glad I am being honest with myself and open to changing these things.

The LONG Hike.

We like to go out to nature areas on weekends or free weeknights.
We like to do so, but often our weekends or weeknights are full of traveling, chores like mowing or laundry, or there's a sick kid.
Or we forget about nature and stay in our tiny back yard using the kiddie pool.


This is different than the walks we take with the double jogger in parks or on trails.
The are in kind of rugged terrain, with more creek beds, the better.
We call them Hike Nights, but usually they are more like slightly difficult walks.


Ideally, we'd get out for two hour spans of time in a place without a play ground and explore.
Realistically, its a dozen times per year that we actually go out for Hike Nights.

We did a Hike Night on Sunday, even though we heard, "But I don't wanna go try naaaaay-ture.  I want to stay home and play trains."  We also heard Elsiebaby whines from the back.
But we were determined to get out.

We went to a nature area that's connected to Rock Bridge State Park and tried a new trail.  T
here was not a scale on the map, and I assumed it was about 4 miles, based on the trails nearby I'd taken lots of eighth graders on several years ago.

I assumed wrong. It was 8 miles!

An hour into the hike, I noticed that Dan seemed a little panicky.  He says he wasn't, and that I misinterpreted his freak-out face when he was consulting the map.

We were in no danger of losing track of either kid - DHH was in a flame orange hat which was nearly as loud as the shrill "EEEE-Treee-Seeeeeee" noises his sister was making.

It wasn't even half way in that I needed to carry DHH piggy back. I realized I was intensely out of shape to be carrying a 32 lb child so close to bluffs.  I was more than nervous that I'd slip and we'd both go over the edge.
Elsie was in a frame carrier, and I was happy to switch out to carry her the last mile and a half.

We made it out of the park by 8:30 PM committing to a serious pace.  I estimated ti was 4.2 with an incline of 5 -7 on the treadmill, plus a child on the back.  It was one sweaty ordeal, full of spiderwebs, rocky bluffs, and dry creekbeds.

It would have been the best hike ever except we were rushing through it to get back before dark.  One day when we have older kids, I hope we use a flash light and take our time, explaining the karst features in the forest and trying to identify more plants that just poison ivy.

Here are the photos from the trip, taken with Very Old First Camera.
Its pocket sized, has been dropped a lot, a low risk for sadness should it get dropped into a creek, and takes fair photos in good lighting.

I Let Them Do a Mud Puddle.

Still cannot believe it, and this was a full month ago!

I don't like dirt under finger nails, letting kids crawl around at the ball park, or stained clothes.

When EK found this puddle in the yard made from some spraying the boys had just done, I didn't pull her out.
And I didn't say any scolding words to her brother who quickly followed her lead.
Maybe I was just worn out from the grief work I'd been doing.
Maybe I was just more relaxed than I'd been in the past.
Maybe I've changed a little - like the kids have just worn down my anti-mud standards!

I just sighed and observed and commented, "Wow, it looks like you two are having a good time in that good, soft, mud." (Which is a reference to one of DHH's all time favorite books, Small Pig)
I let them have an hour to just play and squeal, and later they played together with the push toys.

We had a great time watching their mud play, and I cannot imagine refusing an occasional mud time.

And, if you were wondering, the mud stains came out of the cloth diaper! Which is good, because Rumperooz are pricey and fantastic!