Having Just Two

For a whole year now, I have been thinking about how I need to savor the moments of Mom of Two, since adding another baby will shift family dynamics and alter my relationship with all people in my family.

I remember very clearly after I found out I was pregnant with Samuel, my fifth pregnancy, that I needed to do a whole lotta stuff with these two and be fully present with them, because having three kids would really age me and exhaust me.

So I did things with two that would be harder to do with three.
Like the pool.
Like taking extra time to try every candle scent in the candle row at target.
Like going for breakfast out.
Like catering to unusual whims of a three year old ("let's go right now I library to find out about why worms are underground and how they eat and poop").

Not having Samuel born in early November gave me several more months of Mom of Two.
That is a bit of a good thing.
EK will be that much older and that much more independent and able to communicate her thoughts and needs.
DHH will have more time to practice sharing and patience.
I have more months having consecutive hours of night time sleep. I know I will whine about this later, because sleep deprivation is no joke.

There are really very few good things about miscarriage and infant loss.
One good thin I have found is that it slowed my pace in life.
I got extra time with those two.
I learned that I could handle being a mom of Only Two, if that was the plan.
It was also clear to Dan and me that we do want a bigger family of More Than Two.

This week was a long week of adjusting back to not using TV as a crutch for an exhausted mother.
I played the heck out of this week.
My body hurts from so much Floor Playing Time.

BUT.
It was good.
I appreciated it.
God is good.
I appreciate the extra time He provides for me to adjust and grow as a mom before having three kids.

This photo is from today, inside a play fort we kept out half the week in the living room.
DHH was laying on me and singing to the baby (which was dancing in response). He was saying "I love you
Sweet baby I love you more than anything precious gift from God."
EK was scurrying in with an armload of toys and giggling as she lined them up inside the tent.

I felt peace, contentment, and hope.
I felt like a mom, and like I was not faking it ( I have faked it a lot in the last three years - fake it til you make it )

I am happy.